You may meet good people who appear to have BPD traits. They're on the precipice of getting divorced, they drink too much alcohol, their spouse is "abusive and/or neglectful," etc.
You have a good rapport with 'em, and think, "well I know better than to get romantically involved here, because I've learned (from past experience) it won't work out well for me" and this is GROWTH.
The OLD you doesn't wanna fuck this person (for obvious reasons~ like they're too messed up), but ya think maybe you could explore a friendship with 'em. DON'T DO IT.
First of all, they don't need your "friendship" as a consolation prize, and 99% of the time it's the caregiver/rescuer aspect in you that's STILL compulsively drawn to fixer-upper projects!
You MUST remember this: When you associate with emotionally underdeveloped people, it lowers YOUR vibration. They have one crisis after another, and your codependent traits are ready to guide, direct and help in any way you can~ EVEN if you're not sleeping with 'em. The problem is, you might as well be.
An UP person will never bring a down person up, but a DOWN person will ALWAYS bring an up person down. The reason is, you're making a conscious choice to hang with that individual, and absorb their dark energy, struggles and challenges.
Think you're too self-aware, healthy or smart to let another's lower vibration drag yours down? Think AGAIN! This is literally a matter of dysfunction by association. Whomever you associate with, either enhances your glee and success OR diminishes it. Not one of us is immune to this shit.
You've NAIVELY thought you could make a positive difference, because your Ego demands you maintain a one-up position with others. "Helping" 'em gives ya something to do in your spare time rather than focusing instead, on advancing YOUR quality of life.
Our 'NEEDING to be needed' reflex remains exceptionally strong in us, years after we've done the core work we've needed, to get ourselves well. It's literally a knee-jerk response, when we meet someone who has less empowerment than we.
You were NOT born a fixer, caregiver or rescuer. This trait was cultivated in you during infancy and early childhood, and it's a compensatory behavior driven by POOR SELF-WORTH (thanks to your mommy, who wasn't responsive to Your needs).
I wrote my book, DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? because for many years I was invested in being needed, due to self-esteem deficits that clung to me since early childhood. My friends were needy, and their NEED was my STRENGTH.
By the grace of God, I outgrew the compulsion to fix people close to me. I went thru some pretty painful experiences that yanked me around and forced me to look at who I chose as friends, and WHY. When I tell you this self-awareness was literally nauseating to me, I'm not exaggerating.
YOU MUST HEAL THIS ASPECT IN YOURSELF or all your relationships (whether romantic OR platonic) will drag you down. They'll be undersatisfying or painful, save for the fact you get to bolster your fragile Ego by staying so focused on the needs of others, you neglect to take care of your own.
Go read about this book. It's THE quintessential revelation about your addiction called Codependency, precisely WHEN it's implanted and developed in your personality, and HOW it blocks attempts at success, rewarding relationships, and the attainment of your goals and dreams.
Your need to be NEEDED undermines every aspect of your life. It's a reflexive trait in you, that clouds your judgment and keeps poor self-worth alive. If you've read this book, read it again. EVERY time you review the foreign (to you) concepts in this book, they go to deeper levels of comprehension and integration for you. It's THAT kind of book.