A Borderline's abuse can be utterly diabolical, and far-reaching. Quit allowing it!
Borderlines routinely upend the lives of millions of men, because they’re allowed to get away with it. Seldom are they punished for larcenous, deceitful or physically abusive behaviors, because most males are reluctant to DO anything about it.
If we ask ourselves why the male species is recalcitrant when it comes to punishing bad behaviors engaged in by women they’ve dated or perhaps adored, I think it pays to speculate. The thrust of this post therefore, deals directly with this issue.
Men who love Borderlines were raised by one. They struggled during boyhood to feel good enough and lovable to a mother who was incapable of giving them the warmth, attention, mirroring and affection they crucially needed, to imbue them with a solid, unshakable sense of worth and lovability. And this is where their trouble with the “fairer sex” (which is seldom fair at all) begins.
These boys grow to adulthood, doubting, second-guessing, and always observing themselves thru what they imagine is a lens thru which others perceive them. All their actions, behaviors and verbal expressions are intended to gain favor with others. They’re constantly on the outside of themselves hyper-vigilantly watching, weighing and judging their every move, rather than living inside themselves, casually observing the mannerisms and behaviors of others. In short, they’re constantly looking inward at themselves not outward, and their self-reflection is persistently negative.
If you’ve been Blitzed by a Borderline (the title of one of my online BPD articles), it’s likely you've been taken advantage of, stolen from, manipulated, stalked and lied to by someone grossly underdeveloped, and paid a heavy emotional price for it.
The absence of emotional development means there can be no moral development. The former is always a precursor for the latter. Some of these women are down-right unscrupulous. If they’ve ever gotten hold of your credit card number, they’ll run up charges on it long after the two of you have parted.
Borderlines have been known to key your car, puncture its tires, paint graffiti on your home, and engage in various acts of destruction to you and your property. The odd thing is, far too many men won’t even file a restraining order against an ex who acts out her crazy, vengeful rage in these heinous ways. If you can’t figure out why this is, consider the following:
Born to a volatile, devious, manipulative mother, a boy dares not fight back when he’s unfairly reprimanded or punished, or there’s even more hell to pay~ at least until he grows taller and bigger than she, and the physical beatings morph into guilting, shaming, emasculating comments that erode his sense of Self even further.
Most males have been inculturated to NEVER strike a woman. Unfortunately, fighting back emotionally isn’t even an option for many who’ve grown up under the iron fist of a BPD mother. They hang their head in passivity, and simply let her rant, rave, and humiliate them.
All males love their mother, whether or not their love for her was reciprocated. Far too many guys reach their 60’s and 70’s firmly holding onto the erroneous belief their mother loves them, when in reality, a borderline disordered mother isn’t CAPABLE of attaching~ even to her own child.
Substantial anxiety is triggered for Borderlines when they begin to experience genuine closeness with anyone. The child of a Borderline is used to making allowances and excuses for his mother’s neglectful, harsh or volatile behaviors. As he grows to adulthood, he does precisely this, with all romantic partners. No matter how abominably his lovers treat him, he wants to "forgive and forget" these wounds to his ego, heart and soul.
Men want to shrug off the terrible things an ex does to them, because the masculine Ego thinks it “should be above reacting” to her despicable infractions, regardless of the nature or extent of her crimes against them. Some BPD women absolutely do commit crimes against their exes, including filing false charges of domestic violence against them, or accusing their former mate of molesting their child. Still, the Hero Complex in far too many males prevents them from yielding to any temptation they might actually feel, to retaliate! This is a betrayal to their masculinity~ but even worse, it undercuts their humanity toward themselves.
A man’s reluctance to react appropriately to his current or ex lover’s unsavory or even criminal behaviors, is nothing short of sabotaging to himself. The roots of his passivity were implanted during his first few years of life by a mother who virtually castrated her son, by imposing on him her absurdly biased ideation of “what a man should be, and how he must always behave.” This was solely to exert and maintain control over him.
Given this boy never had an emotionally stable, genuinely empowered father figure as a role model to emulate, he had no choice but to take his mother’s word for what constitutes An "Ideal Man." Sons of borderline disordered women grow up with a distorted sense of what it means to BE a man. They are typically passive, people-pleaser types, with no real sense of self-esteem, and are often referred to as, "beta-males."
The Borderline’s acting skills make her quite convincing, if you call the cops on her for violating your home, workplace or car, due to them having no greater sense of limits or boundaries, than a three year-old. Most men, even police responders, are easily taken in by a woman’s tears, and every BPD female really knows how to switch on the waterworks and histrionics, when she’s caught in the act of behaving badly, and fears repercussion.
Suddenly, she’s the hapless “Victim” of your abuse, and you’re portrayed as the Ogre. Only seasoned police officers familiar with conniving, personality disordered females who falsely report “domestic violence,” are savvy enough to resist being taken-in by the torrent of tears a Borderline uses to manipulate law enforcement.
The trouble with "brushing off’ terrible acts of betrayal and theft a gal without scruples, character or empathy has committed, is that you allow and sanction them to keep doing these terrible things to dozens of other men! I for one, believe a man has a moral obligation to others in his gender to put a halt to these heartbreaking, bank account-depleting, lying, cheating, stalking females, by holding them fully accountable for their despicable actions!
Even if you don’t WANT to file criminal charges against that girl for making unauthorized charges on your credit card or stealing money or valuables out of your home safe, you should at least file a restraining order against her! This will stay on her record long enough to sting, if/when she applies for a decent job, or starts getting involved with the next guy who’s smart enough to listen to his instincts and do a background check, before he hands her his heart.
Incidentally, if you agreed to “remain friends” after the breakup, hoping to one day get another shot at having sex with that juicy morsel, you’re delusional. This is pure fantasy, and it ain’t gonna happen. What happens instead, is you’ve signed on to be her indentured servant. It was a one-way street relationship while you were in it, and that isn’t gonna change, just because you’re not sleeping together.
What you can expect, is calls in the middle of the night when she’s drunk, stranded in a stalled car in the middle of nowhere, let-down by her current lover, etc. In short, she turns you into another of her gal-pals who’s always there to pick up the pieces when Humpty Dumpty topples off yet another, cinder block wall. Your momma groomed you to be the “Good Little Boy” and fall for Borderlines since the time you could walk and talk, so the habit of always putting someone else’s needs before your own, should come as no surprise to you.
Men with testicles in their trousers do NOT let women get away with abusing or taking advantage of them~ and if You do, maybe you should think seriously about getting the help you really need, to grow a pair.