Borderline Forum Archives
These are early
entries from my main BPD Forum. If you're looking for more recent
letters and replies on this topic, you'll find them here.
Be sure to visit my new BPD
Dear Shari, I live with, and have two beautiful children with a
Borderline personality female. She has convinced as many people
as she can, that I am violent towards her, and she THRIVES off the
attention and sympathy this gets her. My situation is completely
undermined. She is regularly violent towards me. No one
knows this. No one would want to believe me anyway! As
she knows I'm dedicated to living with my children, so I can father/parent
them daily, I am forced to live with the constant threat of having
them taken away, and constant blackmail and fear!
EVERYTHING must be her way only, or I lose contact with my kids.
To show her power over my life, she took my children and left this
Spring. I found love with someone normal. This sent her into a rage
and she harassed me and my new partner until that relationship crumbled,
due to her new threat that my children would be taken away to the
other end of the country and I would play a very minor role in their
lives, if I didn't live with her again. I now "live" with
her and people believe that she, is giving me
another chance! I am not allowed to disagree with her, or I am accused
of "abuse." I am trapped and imprisoned
by this seriously damaged, dysfunctional woman. I love my children
dearly, and have to live with the injustice of being perceived by
many people as a "wife beater" with a drink problem. If
I get out, I lose my children. Most people think this woman is a
wonderful human being and that I'm some kind of monster. I am a
decent man!!!!! I am desperate for help for me and my kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reach into your trousers, locate your testicles, and stop agreeing
to be a victim of your wife's abuses. This fear of losing your children
is completely unfounded. File domestic abuse charges, consult
a family law attorney, and learn your rights as
your kids' father. If your wife is the sole support of this family,
you may need to get a job--or you're likely to remain disempowered,
pitiful and depressed. That will not be healthy for your
Hi Shari - I've read some of your website content, and was drawn
to the piece on Borderline women (the more p/c phrasing being, women
with borderline personality traits or disorder). I wonder if you
have anything written about men who have BPD? Your
other topics seem well balanced and all-encompassing while this
piece just feels somewhat one-sided and emotionally
charged (for lack of better words). I wonder if you've had personal
experience in this realm and are therefore touching only on the
female manifestation of this disorder, or some very specific 'possible'
attributes of a woman with BPD. You've not included any of the main
symptoms from the DSM-V, which I also find a little
disturbing, as most people reading this might think that you must
be an expert--so if some of these scenarios have occurred in their
lives, their wife or partner must have BPD! I feel you're doing
a disservice by including such a slanted and one-sided viewpoint
of a very pervasive phenomena.
This issue can be more "pervasive" among females than
males, because of childhood experiences detailed in my article.
Included within the body of my text on Borderlines, is
DSM-IV symptomology (the "DSM-V" is not
slated for publication until 2011). This piece is
"slanted," which is fully intended; its purpose is to
educate and caution men about the dangers of entrapment
by conception--hence the title, "BLACKMAILED
INTO FATHERHOOD." It is not designed to be a catch-all
for borderline pathology (I'm sure others have managed to do that
already). Males tend to process information differently than females,
and a direct/straightforward approach is generally more effective
than beating around the bush (you should pardon the expression),
particularly when infatuation inhibits
capacity for rational thought. Having witnessed BPD in both
genders, I've been working on a piece that illustrates how it presents
it seems you may have overlooked my reference to this. The most
typical experiences that men have shared with me about borderline
disordered women (including their mothers), are highlighted
in my article. There may be those who are too timid/ambivalent to
go out on a limb for what they believe--but I'll gladly risk criticisms
or projections to take a stand, as this is surely not
a popularity contest. I'm simply gratified by the knowledge that
there's a substantial number of men who've benefited from this material,
and that's good enough for me.
Dear Shari, I'm currently serving in the USAF overseas in Portugal.
I've been married for 5 years and have three little girls. I'm currently
going through a horrible time--my wife left with
our youngest baby about 8 weeks ago, and left our other 2 girls
with me. I am in a custody battle that I think I can win. My wife
has agreed to my terms, as she's giving me the girls during the
school year, and she gets them Christmas and summer. What's funny
though, is I try to move on and not speak to her much, but she calls
all the time. She talks to the girls to say hi, but sometimes
she calls late, when she knows they're asleep. She keeps
playing games with my head. She tells me that I am her
best friend and she's sorry for what she did. She fell in love with
another man at our last duty assignment, and moved with him in California.
She had this affair the whole time she was pregnant with
our third child. Anyway, she wants to come out here in
2 weeks to see the girls and bring the baby back here to stay with
her sisters. I told her that was fine, but then she started saying
weird stuff like she doesn't think she can be in the same
house with me without having sex. That our sex life was
"great," and that she can't wait to see me again! Then
she calls other days and says, "did you start the divorce papers
yet?" I don't get her! She's willing to give up her children
for this guy, but she says that when she comes to see the girls,
she wants to cook dinner, take them to the park and go out as a
family! When I talk about my current life she gets upset. I get
out more often now, and have more fun. I take the girls to church
and we do more things together than before. I have a woman friend
back home in Philadelphia and we're not sleeping together, but we've
gone on a few dates. We talk a lot on the phone and she's really
helped me to get through this bad time. My wife gets so upset she
cries her eyes out, and asks me how can I talk to another woman
"when we are still married." She tries to make
me feel guilty for moving on with my life, I guess.
I tell her that I didn't leave, SHE did--and
that I am trying to move on. The truth is, I love the girl so much
that I still look at pictures of her, and talk to her like we were
never separated. I miss her so much and don't know what to do. On
one hand, she says she loves me and misses me, but then she'll say
things like can I have the vacuum or the TV when we get divorced!
I can't understand her behavior at all, so maybe you could shed
some light on this difficult situation. Thank you ma'am. SSgt USAF
Dear Staff Sergeant, stories like yours are nothing short of heartbreaking.
Your wife sounds like a deeply
troubled woman who's extremely unstable. She has already done irreparable
emotional damage to your daughters by abandoning them,
and this leads to serious trust issues in their future (adult) relationships.
Get professional counseling/support for your situation, which will
help center you, and (therefore) assist your children.
Your friend in Philadelphia sounds like a good woman who cares about
you, but these issues present a greater burden than a developing
relationship should have to carry. Your military rank grants
you leadership responsibility, and this should
serve you personally as well. Set very
firm limits and boundaries for your wife, as she's
of doing this for herself. Let her know when it's
acceptable to call the girls, and when it isn't.
If she doesn't honor your wishes, turn the phone ringers off at
a designated hour each night. Screen your calls and continue limiting
your conversations/contact with her unless you
have a pressing need to speak about the children's welfare. Let
her know that you expect her to make alternate lodging
arrangements outside your home if/when
she visits, and there will be no sex between you.
This will be less confusing/disturbing for your daughters, and save
you additional betrayal and pain. Your wife's ongoing
here/go away tactics reflect
typical Borderline Personality behavior. This is
partly how she manipulates/controls you and the relationship!
Her hot/cold interactions feel confusing, because you can't
relate to this dynamic, and that's a healthy
sign! Given the circumstances you've described, it may
be wise to do paternity testing in relation to your baby girl. I
recommend you read my piece, DO
TO BE NEEDED...
for further insight as to why you remain captivated, despite
this woman's mishandling of you and your kids!
Parenting a child in a loving, healthy manner is the
MOST important job there is. In my view,
your wife has surrendered this role, and abused her privilege to
mother your children. Best of luck in your custody hearing!
Shari, I was "blackmailed
into fatherhood" years ago by a woman I never married.
My 11 year old son lives out of town with his mother, but I visit
him often, am very involved in his life, and we have a close and
loving relationship. During a recent visit with him, we touched
on some things that he absolutely didn't want to talk about (custody
matters, his mom & I with regard to money issues, etc.). At
one point he said, "you were able to build a house for yourself."
This really pissed me off, and I commented that his (now married)
mom was "able to not have
to work" (due to my financial contributions). I don't think
I should have let my emotions get the better of me--but I feel like
I need to put my feelings out there, as opposed to swallowing
'em and making myself sick (or heavier!). My question is, should
I try and talk about this type of thing with him or should I drop
it? When I left him at school that day, he just turned and walked
away from me. He's never done this, but he's growing up a bit. Is
it appropriate to attempt to talk about this stuff with him when
he won't acknowledge anything, and even gets upset at my broaching
the subject? I realize that this is not a simple yes or no question,
but if I completely drop it, is that a better or worse course to
take, as opposed to forcing him to listen to me try and address
I'm aware of how 'lit up' this kind of thing can make you feel (outraged,
invalidated, frustrated, defensive, etc.) and all
your emotions are completely appropriate! Navigating this terrain
with someone so young depends on whether he
broaches the topic or not. I think adult discussions should
stay between adults--otherwise, a child gets caught
in the middle and becomes the instrument of torture used
by his/her parents. Women seem especially adept at using their children
as weaponry toward their ex-spouses or
lovers, particularly if there are borderline
characteristics present! Parental Alienation Syndrome,
is very common among enmeshed/overly attached mothers,
or emotionally uneven women who are punishing and vindictive. If
your son initiated this dialogue, you
can respond in a number of ways that address his specific concerns;
but remember that (for now) he lives with his mother, and he's not
only torn emotionally (between the two of you), but is constantly
exposed to her biases and vengeance. Think of this as brainwashing.
He'll likely be able to accommodate a more balanced view of these
issues as he matures--but at present, put the conversation
aside, but not the feelings. It's perfectly
acceptable to let your son know how uncomfortable/hurtful it is
for you when his comments seem generated by
his mother, and only reflect half the picture.
Convey your hope that one day he might feel curious, and
be "open to learning more" about this situation.
Leave it at that.
Dear Shari, I wrote you before about my situation.
My wife came home and brought the baby back here. We had a great
time while she was here. I asked her a lot of questions about everything
that happened, and she told me that was ok. We slept in the same
bed while she was here and had a lot of intimate time together.
We also had sex. She told me that she still loves me, but she doesn't
think I will trust her anymore. I asked her to stay and she said
she couldn't. I asked her why, and she told me she was pregnant
again, but this time with the other man's
baby! I was shocked but didn't get upset. She asked me if this changes
how I feel about her, and I said no. I don't know anymore what she
wants, so I'm letting go. It's going to be hard though, because
every time I do, she gives me false hope. What
should I do--I am really confused about all of this. I know I need
to be strong for my babies, but I sometimes feel like I can't. I
get overwhelmed with all of this drama and just shut down. I even
told her that if she would come back, I would help her raise that
child too. I don't know anymore. I don't think she loves
me--I just think she's afraid that if she tells me that,
I won't do things for her anymore or be her friend, or I might hate
her for all she's putting us through! Before she left she told me
that there was a good chance for us to be together again, but I
think this is her way of holding on to me, just in case it doesn't
work out with this (other) guy. I wish you could give me some more
advice on this matter. Thank you. SSgt USAF
Dear Sir; I've been hoping you'd save yourself from this tormenting
(and predictable) outcome! More advice concerning your
situation would only be redundant/repetitive. I strongly recommend
that you re-read my original reply &
suggestions nightly for 21 consecutive days, until these
concepts begin to take hold within you. Take that lid off your feelings,
allow yourself to get upset/angry, and start
trusting the impressions you've shared
with me, as they appear valid/accurate. REMEMBER: No matter what
your heart (or any other part of your anatomy) tells
you, your instincts are your built-in survival
guide, and they'll never lie to you!
In reference to your article, BLACKMAILED
INTO FATHERHOOD; how does a man adjust to the
serious emotional and financial consequences of this? We never had
what I consider a 'relationship.' She clearly didn't know who I
was, my dreams and ambitions, or if so, certainly didn't have any
respect for me. When I realized what was happening, it was already
too late. You couldn't have timed the conception any better. After
copulating, I asked her where she was in her cycle and
when she told me, I was blown away!! I asked "what
are you doing!!??" and asked her to shower and "clean
up." She refused. The woman even stood up in court (paternity
suit) and said, "I wanted to have a child and not get
married." I'd always been taught not to harm people
with my actions. To have someone "steal" this
from me is a very deep wound that I struggle with. The
feelings I have are often hopeless and suicidal. Having
studied reproductive endocrinology, how could
I have been so naïve?? It's been 13 years,
and I never made contact with her after court. I felt so
ripped off, on a spiritual level. Why
do we prevent forced parentage on women, but allow
it on men? I have married (since then) and have a wonderful wife
and 2 beautiful children, but sadly, they must remain 2nd class
behind the requirements of child support! I've never ever been able
to spend as much on them as on the illegitimate child. Even when
I lost my job (due to downsizing NOT performance) I couldn't get
the support orders lowered for 10 months. WE HAD NO MONEY, AND SHE
COULDN'T CARE LESS ABOUT THAT FACT!! My kids can starve
for all the state cares! The illegitimate child has more
rights and security than my legitimate family! As it turns out,
after she was done fleecing me (13 years ago) she ran right out
and got pregnant with the 2nd man,
and married (and then divorced). She has married yet again (3 times
total) and has another child, and I found out recently that "their"
monthly mortgage payment is exactly what she takes from me in child
support! Doesn't "the problem" ever go
away? Why don't men adopt the kids from previous relationships,
thereby legitimizing them? I guess they don't have to. I've never
seen the child, and have more of a relationship with the state
than I ever had with her! I cannot come to call this child mine.
Some "crimes" cannot be forgiven.
Thanks for sharing your story, so that other men might avoid this
trauma. While neither personal integrity nor naïvete
are gender specific traits, most men are unaware of how
vulnerable they really are, when responding to
their most natural/primal urges. I've heard numerous stories
about females who've lied about where they were
in their monthly cycle, perforated their own supply
of prophylactics, or inserted the contents of discarded
condoms, to impregnate themselves! Your reproductive
education is of little use, when you're not thinking
with your brain. It seems some of your rage is
toward yourself, and this can bring about serious health
risks and depression. It's best to address these
feelings therapeutically, even at a free or low cost clinic.
It would be helpful to take up a sport that allows you to whack
the hell out of something; kick boxing, racquet ball, anything!
Beat your mattress with a baseball bat until you're exhausted--but
get these aggressions out physically in
a way that doesn't harm you or anyone else. I couldn't agree more
with you about our legal system's abusive handling
of these matters! But from where I sit, the most tragic
aspects of these occurrences is that they broaden the chasm
of trust between men and women, and bring
even more children into this world, who
are (on some level) unwanted. This perpetuates
a cycle of pain and dysfunctionality that most
people never try to resolve/heal for themselves, and it's
passed from one generation to the next.
I read the letter from a man who was tricked into fatherhood.
He talked about how his two "beautiful children" were
not getting enough financial support due to the "illegitimate
child." I guess I am puzzled by your answer. He has three
"beautiful children." This child didn't pick his/her mom.
He has treated this child like an "it,"
and his rage was aimed a great deal at an innocent child. I understand
his feelings of being used and betrayed, but after 13 years, isn't
it time he at least gave the child a break? Holding on to a resentment
like that is like drinking poison and waiting for his ex girlfriend
to die. Someday, this child could come to see him, to come to terms
with his/her life. Will he tell them to f*** off, and blame him/her
for his misery? Will their half brother or sister blame him/her
for the paucity of money growing up? Or maybe this child will finally
get to know his/her father and younger half-siblings. I think you
need to expand your answer beyond validation of his feelings, to
include a little letting go.
Thanks for sharing your well-considered/valid comments and perspectives.
Of all the entries in my forum, this one appears to have special
meaning for you, and I'm glad you've given yourself license
to express these feelings. While my answers can always
be more comprehensive in scope, I try to limit each response to
the matter in question. I do not attempt to tell someone how they
should live their life--or shame
them, like "Dr. Laura"
(whom it seems has borderline features), but rather offer
a roadmap for surmounting an issue, along with some insight and
compassion. Rest assured, a lot of thought/consideration (on many
levels) goes into my replies. In terms of the entry you've referenced,
this fellow was already sitting with plenty of self-judgment,
which (to the trained eye/mind) was palpable. He didn't need me
to judge him further, nor point out consequences he might
face as a result of his choices. With solid professional help, his
position on this issue could very well shift, but this must still
be his decision.
Dear Dr. Schreiber, I found your article (DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED,
OR NEED TO BE LOVED?) interesting. While recovering from a head
injury during a vulnerable time in my life, I became involved with
an abusive woman. I was in a wheelchair or using
a walker for part of this time, and needed assistance with transportation
and daily living--some of which she provided, but at a horrible
price. Once a month she'd explode violently and either throw me
out of her apartment, leave me on the side of the road, or in some
way tear me down by saying "you're a bum, no woman would ever
want you" or "you're undate-able." She was addicted
to internet dating during our relationship, and slept with many
strangers without protection, caught an STD, got into a car wreck
and let her life fall apart when we separated for a few months last
summer. Of course, I was there to repair the damage--even
dragging her to the doctor for treatment of the STD. I did have
one condition; that she seek mental health care. The relationship
ended when she brutally beat and stabbed me, after I explained I
could not continue seeing her until she was in a therapeutic setting
(advice I received from a local psychologist after discussing my
situation). My question is simple; do men who are "Mr.
fix it" types tend to repeat the same mistake by getting
into relationships with women who are verbally, physically or emotionally
abusive? If so, do they also try and fix any problems the abuser
has (regardless of the cost) i.e. bailing them out of jail after
a domestic violence incident where she beat him?
Is this all my fault?
Dear Sir, rescuing tendencies and tolerance for abuse are related
issues; both are tied to not feeling intrinsically
worthy and lovable. Our romantic choices are directly influenced
by our early relational experiences with our parents; we subconsciously
gravitate to what feels familiar or
like "coming home," regardless of whether
those experiences were pleasurable or painful.
Without having been exposed to some kind of childhood abuse
or neglect, you would not be drawn to these kinds of individuals,
or be able/willing to tolerate being there for any
length of time. My article speaks to the issues underlying
these compulsions. It is not your fault
that you were abused by this woman, but it seems these elements
are very much alive in you, and likely to repeat. My piece
disordered women may provide you with considerably more
insight, and a therapist who treats core trauma would
be very helpful. I'm not a "doctor," but thanks anyway.
[More letters like this are archived here.]
I am very impressed with your article on borderline
women and men who love them. I was recently with a woman
who's (apparently) a Borderline, and you could not be more
exact on the description! I'm deeply in love with her and
talk to her still. After I fell head over heels with her I learned
of this problem, and I thought I could help her. I devoted everything
to helping her, but she doesn't believe she has a problem. I fully
realize this doesn't help with my (bipolar) issues at all. I know
enough about all this to know better, but...! Even after meeting
another (wonderful) woman, as your article says; I am addicted
to my ex like a bad drug!
Loving a Borderline is an emotional roller coaster
ride, even without a mood disorder! I suspect that trying
to fix your ex-girlfriend's problems gave you temporary relief from
issues that plague you. Fixing another's problems
can give us a sense of empowerment, especially
when we're feeling impotent about resolving
our own; the need to escape
your inner pain or emptiness can drive
the "addictive" part of this attraction. Your compulsions
to help/fix this woman are influenced by early dynamics with your
mother (her needs very likely took precedence over yours).
can be caused by deficits in nurturant care/attention during
infancy. You could have grown up confusing painful
yearning (for closeness) with loving,
and now believe; "if
it doesn't HURT, it must not be Love!" This is where
the deepest aspect of your pain resides, and it would greatly
serve you to explore this issue therapeutically. Depression is never
"just a chemical imbalance."
Shari, your article on borderline women has been very
illuminating. It's really helped me understand why
certain (past) relationships were so difficult! I've been re-reading
this piece lately in reference to a current media event, and not
only has it changed my perspective on the situation, I can totally
identify with it! Thank you for this--but why does the article seem
different than before, or stuff seems moved around since I last
I'm glad you've found this piece helpful, and that you've
asked about this issue. I'm a perfectionist of sorts (it's one of
my tragic flaws). I've recently expanded the
borderline article, but my continuing challenge
is fitting new elements into existing pieces in such a way that
the information still flows, and remains cohesive. I do my best,
but sometimes during a re-read, I'll decide that a paragraph should
be placed somewhere else, or a thought should be made clearer/easier
to assimilate. Online publishing (thankfully) makes this
possible, so the material can grow, rather than remain stagnant.
Your confusion over this is completely warranted. Sorry
I've been in a very conflictual relationship for about a year.
I love this woman, but it seems like no matter what I do for her,
she's never happy. We sometimes have wonderful, close times together
that feel great--but then she gets mad about something that seems
very minor, and we're fighting again! I'm exhausted by these conflicts
and have suggested going our separate ways, but she cries hysterically,
and says she wouldn't want to "go on living" without me.
This part's pretty scary. I really want to make this relationship
work, but I think I've probably been going about it all wrong. Can
you recommend some books that'll help me get on track?
You cannot make another person "happy," and it's
not your responsibility! A functional relationship requires
two people who are actively committed to making
it work. In this one, it looks like you're damned if
you do (stay) and damned if you don't. Under these
circumstances, it seems your girlfriend's thinly veiled suicide
threats are intended to manipulate your feelings and behavior; this
is emotional blackmail. Couple's counseling might help,
but despite your good intentions, I think you could have difficulty
changing this relationship dynamic. You'll find useful
information/insights in this article
that can help you make more sense of these experiences, and determine
your next course of action.
Shari, in your article about borderlines, you say; "Borderline
women are typically attracted to narcissistic men, and vice-versa."
I need to know more about why this happens (if it really does).
Is it that people with personality disorders somehow just gravitate
to each other?
Borderlines and Narcissists
are both afraid of closeness and attachment. Psychoanalytic
theory suggests this is prompted by experiences in the first year
of life, when trust should be established within
the mother/infant bond. When this doesn't occur, one grows up with
considerable ambivalence about getting close to another, because
it feels emotionally threatening. People with Borderline or Narcissistic
Personality Disorders are poorly equipped to handle real
intimacy, which involves allowing oneself to need,
and (therefore) feel vulnerable--hence, 'unavailable' partners
(or those we cannot fully love) are consistently chosen, to avert
abandonment concerns. Popular television series like Desperate
Housewives and Grey's Anatomy perfectly
illustrate this issue. Did you catch the 2007 season's final
episode of Grey's? Derek (Dr. McDreamy) openly declares
himself to Meredith, hoping she'll (finally) stop running away;
he tells her she's the love of his life and says, "I'm
in this!" She deflects his
pronouncements with chatter about helping Cristina get married (and
we saw how that went). Izzie's declared
she's "in love" with poor George, because she
can't have him (it's safe!), and have you noticed that
the more he clings to his marriage and separates from
Izzie, the more she pursues him?
reaction! These story lines make for tantalizing TV; we stay fascinated
week to week, because we're hoping our beloved characters will make
solid/lasting connections--but of course, they never do! Alas, art
imitates life. As for the 2008 two-hour Grey's finale, it was
apparent that Alex's Rebecca had borderline issues, when she showed
up "pregnant." His intense rescuing compulsions were subconsciously
driven by unresolved abandonment concerns from childhood (his mother
likely had Borderline traits as well). Since (as a kid)
he couldn't save Mom, his reflexive need to 'normalize' Rebecca's
symptoms and save her, were practically inevitable.
These shows are entertaining and I'm a big fan, but watching them
is often like reading a clinical primer on personality
disorders. As for the Borderline/Narcissist attraction, here's an
excerpt from my article: A
borderline disordered female has the remarkable ability to perfectly
mirror her partner's attributes (and fuel his grandiosity),
without invoking his engulfment
fears. Her alternate loving/rejecting patterns of relating allow
him to come close (but not too close), and nearly
always leave him wanting more; this of course, gratifies
her need to manipulate his desire, and accommodates his
need to maintain 'safe' emotional proximity.
Hi Shari, I loved your online article about how women with Borderline
Personality Disorder will force a man into being the father of a
child he doesn't want. This very thing happened to me in 1989, but
I didn't know that the woman had a borderline problem or that she
"tricked me" in order to become pregnant, because she
was terrified of abandonment. In fact, I didn't start putting the
pieces together until the mid 1990's. She did vilify
me in the mind of my daughter, whom I love and have actually raised
since 2001, after social services took her away from her mother
and (without my knowledge) put her in foster care. This woman has
had me jailed several times with horrendous, character-crushing
lies (of course she drops the charges as soon as she sees that she's
alienated herself), and destroyed my business--I had an income of
$3,000 per week in 1992. I still have the letter she wrote, telling
me she was going to ruin my business "and your good name,"
and by god, she did it! She's extremely smart, holds a degree in
mathematics, and fits your Borderline
profile precisely. My question: How can I help bring this problem
of "forced fatherhood" to the attention of legislators?
Will we ever have a chance against such criminal women? I think
it's an outrage (I am outraged!), and it seems
that in our allegedly "enlightened times," lawmakers would
try to put a stop to what is clearly felonious behavior. Also, do
you think there's anything I can do with that letter she wrote threatening
to ruin me, my business and my good name? It's in her handwriting,
she cannot deny writing it, and her obvious purpose is revenge
(because I wouldn't marry her)! I know it's too late to take legal
action, but couldn't I post the letter somewhere--like on a website?
There's NOTHING I'd like more, than to show the people of my small
town what this woman did to me. LW
Dear Sir, explore whether the editor of your town's local paper
will print your story in relation to my article (they can
contact me for a release). Email or send a copy of your letter (and
perhaps hers) to any/all government legislators you think
should become more aware of this problem--and feel free
to reference my piece on this topic. There are various other sites
on the internet that are sensitive to this issue--here's another;
www.dahmw.org. While your outrage
is completely understandable, it seems you'd benefit from
(safely) discharging some of your anger with physical exertion;
running, handball or batting practice, whacking your mattress with
a belt or bat, etc.
Even more archived entries can be found here.