How many times have you heard someone say, "I can't complain~ it wouldn't do any good, anyway" OR said it yourself??
The psychotherapeutic industry has been BUILT on the backs of people benefitting from complaining, didn't ya know? I've been saying for decades now, that psychotherapy doesn't HEAL people, because it doesn't matter how much "insight" you gain about your anguish or how resigned about it you are, it doesn't make the pain go away.
Still, there's something to be said about COMPLAINING. It has its own reward, because there's almost nothing more soothing than opening up and sharing your pain with someone, and having them listen empathically and comprehend WHY we're upset.
Sharing our agony, anger or frustration with another helps us feel less alone or isolated in our struggle. Can we at least agree that feels GOOD to bitch and moan to a friend about whatever speed-bumps we're facing either personally or professionally~ or we wouldn't be inclined to DO it?
Why are so many afraid to complain? Were they children who grew up in households where speaking of their needs or feelings fell on deaf ears? Did they risk being punished for feeling sad, bored or angry, and expressing those emotions? Was their only option to act-out their frustrations, pain and rage~ hoping at least, to get a neglectful or abusive parent's attention??
Where did we first LEARN that our feelings didn't matter~ and did stuffing them inside, turn us into passive-aggressive adults?
Human nature is such, that we do whatever's necessary to survive! If survival in our home of origin meant NOT expressing when we felt sad, frustrated, angry or empty, we formed defensive patterns of behavior that helped us sidestep uncomfortable emotions~ even if we invented an imaginary little friend to talk to about 'em.
It's my opinion, that obsessive-compulsive thinkers HAD to become their own Imaginary Friend in early childhood. Who ELSE did they have available, to help 'em sort out their painful feelings?? These children mentally searched for "good reasons" to sanction feeling upset, because "bad" feelings weren't allowed by their parental units.
And thus, dissociation from emotions became a way of life for these folks. Millions have learned to detach from their body and stay very busy in their head, to distract from emotionally based discomfort. It's second nature to 'em as adults, because they've been doing this shit, since they were 2 years old~ around the time they leaned vocabulary that made it possible to talk to themselves!
I've had thousands of obsessive-compulsive thinkers in my practice. I always told them, their mental masturbation is a direct byproduct of long-standing, DENIED depression. Is it any wonder that psycho-pharmaceutical drugs like Celexa, Lexapro and their generic sister, Citalopram treat OCD traits, anxiety and depression, as well?? We might say, if you suffer from obsessional thinking or anxiety, you're cluster-fucked. These are only SYMPTOMS of a much deeper disturbance.
Anxiety is a surrogate emotion. It stands in for, or takes the place of emotions we either judge harshly as "wrong" or simply don't want to let ourselves experience. Obsessive-Compulsive thinking and/or behaviors accomplish the same purpose. Both issues cause outcomes that have resulted from sidestepping genuine feelings, and pretending they don't exist.
Next time you start analyzing your inner pain, remember that it doesn't help you one single bit~ but it still might help ya feel a little lighter to COMPLAIN to someone about it.
HAPPY FUCKING MOTHER'S DAY, Y'ALL.