Fear of Anger

From whom did you learn that anger was a wrong, dangerous or “bad” emotion??

How do you feel about your anger and rage? Do you hate yourself for experiencing these feelings? They’re just normal human emotions! We all have these, but you’ve suppressed them since you were very young.

Maybe one or both of your parents taught you that these were unacceptable or “bad” emotions, and that you were a bad child for feeling them. Given we tend to believe everything our parents tell us, exactly how did they convince you to get rid of this emotion?

Were either of your parents often angry or rageful? Did you see them as scary and ugly when they were mad, and make up your mind never to be like them?

Did you make yourself a solemn promise never to grow up and act like that?? Have you ever broken that promise you made to yourself as a kid? Could this be why you’ve felt ashamed or guilty, after your anger’s built to an irrepressible extent, and burst out of you?

What happened if you let your anger out as a child? Were you threatened with punishment, physically hit, withdrawn from, guilted or shamed?

For many, anger became an “unacceptable emotion” on two counts: Their parents didn’t handle their own anger appropriately, and we weren’t allowed to express our angry feelings. “Do as I say do, not as I do” is what many of us heard from our parents.  

Try and think of your “ugly or unacceptable” and disowned emotions as the unwanted relatives you’ve always seen as obnoxious. In order to heal from anxiety, we need to open our front door when these feelings come knocking, and let ‘em in.

We begin our self-soothing tools once they arrive, so we can simply tolerate their presence in our living room. They’re not moving-in with us~ they’re just here for a short visit. Try and remember this.

Deep breathe, self-soothe and stay out of your head. Do not try to identify or make sense of these feelings in your mind. Do not try to talk yourself out of or through these feelings. Breathe into them.

We want to build a threshold for enduring our emotions (whatever they are), so we can begin to function with a full, complete emotional repertoire, and anxiety episodes can become a thing of the past. 

Anger and rage have their own special tools (which we’ve covered already in the previous anger video) and these emotions must be vented, or let out.