If I’m Me, I’ll lose You, Anxiety

Again, the basis for this anxiety is poor self-worth. “If I’m Me and true to my feelings and needs and don’t put your needs first, you will reject me, think of me as a bad friend or lover, and I will feel ashamed of myself.”

Maybe you grew up feeling like an alien in your family. This was true for many of my clients. You may never have felt you ‘fit in’ with your parents or siblings. You were different, and shamed yourself for it~ but it was usually their lack, not yours that had you feeling this way. 

See if you can find the Twilight Zone episode online called, “Eye of the Beholder.” It’s a perfect example of growing up feeling defective, because we’re so unlike our siblings and parents.

A lot of people suffer through life because of this! They’re afraid to speak their truth or risk disappointing someone, for fear they’ll be abandoned or rejected. They were never able to feel good about themselves as children, and that negative self-view has carried forth into adulthood.

Afraid to let someone down? How many times in this life have people let down or disappointed YOU? You may have felt sad or angry afterward, but wasn’t it just a few days before you recovered from that disappointment, and rebalanced? So, why do you presume others will not??

It’s literally impossible to get through this life without disappointing someone or breaking a very well-intentioned promise. The world doesn’t stop turning on its axis, and it doesn’t make you a "bad person," so try to start thinking about this stuff more rationally.

The need to hide our true Self and take care of everyone else’s needs prompts a constellation of Codependent behaviors: Fixing, rescuing, constantly doing for others, trying to ‘buy’ their acceptance or love with favors, gifts or kind gestures, bending over backwards to meet every whim or need they have, etc. This is our compensation for how poorly we've always felt about ourselves, and it's extremely unhealthy.

Our codependent behaviors become addictive, because we feel compelled to have others think well of us, due to not thinking well of ourselves! Often, we secretly wish they’d somehow help us change our mind about ourselves, so we could feel more worthy of attention and love!

If you haven’t learned how to respect yourself and form a nourishing, friendly relationship bond with You, how can you expect anyone else to feel differently about you~ and won’t you think something’s wrong with them if they do??

Feelings always precede thoughts! The thoughts we attach to various emotions will exacerbate our discomfort, and have little or nothing to do with the actual source of our pain!!! We want to get you out of your head and into your body, so you can heal.

Do you think you’re able to separate or discern the difference between feelings and thoughts?? “I feel (angry, sad, upset, bored, empty, etc.),” versus “I feel that . . .” and here’s where your mental narrative kicks in. Feelings precede thoughts, not the other way around~ but it’s your thoughts or ‘mind product’ that instantly exacerbates anxiety and panic.

Your mind is your worst enemy while you’re trying to heal. We must shut the mind down to facilitate emotional growth, a sense of well-being and full recovery from anxiety and panic attacks.

Now, deep-breathe with me into any/all feelings in your body, self-soothe for 2 minutes, and stay the hell out of your head!