Rejection or Abandonment Anxiety

This anxiety comes from never having felt safe to attach during infancy and throughout childhood. Our mother may have been distracted or disengaged when we were an infant. Rather than giving her full attention to us and connecting with us in a loving and intimate way, her attention was diverted to activities that were more stimulating to her (talking on the phone to her friends, surfing the internet, watching television, whatever).

These daily distractions took her exclusive attention away from us, and it left us with emotional scars. We experience shame in infancy when we feel we’re not important enough for Mother to solidify and maintain the loving bond we’d formed with her during our nine months in-utero.

Feelings of “I’m not good enough or lovable” grew out of this early deficit, and we’ve carried it lifelong, unless we’ve engaged the right kind of help to repair this wound in our heart. Bottom line, this is a self-worth injury from infancy onward, that’s aching to be healed.

Numerous clients have said to me, "if I step away from my dad, (or sibling or mom), I'll be totally alone. I always asked in response to their statement: When in your life have you NOT felt totally alone??

Hanging onto someone who's toxic or even just non-nurturing to you is not better than having no relationship. That's just the story you tell yourself, because you're still desperately seeking acceptance, approval and love from a source that's incapable of giving it to you.

I understand this is a hard pill to swallow, but it's a very important reality for you to grasp. Someone who doesn't understand you, 'get' you, respect you or care about what you're feeling, is not someone in whom you should emotionally invest yourself further.

As you go thru this lifetime, don't bother with "other people's people." Keep looking for Your people. Your people are the ones who will be responsive to you and your feelings and needs. Other people's people will not.

Now, deep breathe into any/all feelings inside you, self-soothe for 2 minutes, and stay the hell out of your head!