You've gotta know what ya WANT in a mate, before ya can find it.

Okay, this is one of those ‘common sense’ essays, because common sense seems to be anything BUT common these days. Rational, logical thinking seems to have slid into extinction quicker than garter belts, when pantyhose hit the market.

(If you’re still dressing up in provocative costumes for your beau once in awhile, I get it. You are still however, the exception.)

It’s utterly astounding to me, how many people presume they’ll find a life mate, by leaving it to chance, fate, God or “The Universe.” Seems like when we see someone who’s hot looking and they trigger trouser tumescence or make our panties steamy, that’s motivation enough for us to jump in head first (pardon the pun) and indulge our childhood fantasies of Happily Ever After.

And another thing~ if we’re leaving our desire for a suitable partner up to some magical quirk of fate, are we really serious about finding (and keeping) him or her? Might we more readily let ourselves off the ‘personal responsibility’ hook for a failed relationship, if we weren’t really earnest about our search for love in the first place?? Could this be a “no harm, no foul” kinda thing for us?

Mostly (if we’re lucky), we soon enough discover that our trip to the moon on gossamer wings is really, just one of those things~ but the emotional fallout from yet another romantic disappointment can take us weeks or months to recover from, while we regroup and reconstitute ourselves (at least, enough to re-enter dating-app-land).

And who the fuck needs THAT?!

In truth my darlings, the process of finding a life mate is almost exactly like buying a motor vehicle! First, ya gotta know what criteria it must meet to satisfy your various needs and desires. Are you looking for a sports car? Will your day-to-day needs be better met by an SUV or a truck? Open flatbed or enclosed?

What color do you need your new or pre-owned vehicle to be? Something flashy, or subdued? Which is easiest to keep looking clean, and requires the least maintenance? Do ya want a standard transmission (My personal favorite) or an automatic? Must this exciting new purchase be suitable for navigating rough, mountainous, snowy or wet terrains~ or just function well on paved roads?

And have you given any thought to the future resale value this hunka steel you’re cogitating on is gonna have, when you’re craving another change?

Often, the novelty of a brand new romance wears off faster than gettin’ a new car, and considering the depreciation factor… well, I won’t even go there~ ‘cause it’ll offend your sensibilities, and piss you off. Besides, you already know this one, don’t ya?

I recently asked a client to make a specific list of characteristics, qualities and traits he thinks he wants and needs in a mate~ someone who’ll go the long-haul with him. This is no frivolous matter, folks! Most unions die an untimely death, because men and women don’t bother getting specific enough about what’s important to ‘em, before they commit to buying the product.

How will you feel if your partner leaves the toilet lid up, farts in bed or snores in their sleep?

I’m utterly mystified by the obvious fact that the average person (and I mean this literally) never holds their lovers, spouses or partners to the same standards as they do their closest friends! WHAT’S UP WITH THAT?!

Friendships take considerable time to explore, construct and establish. It’s NOT an instant process, even if we fervently hope it will be. Intelligent people know darned well, it takes considerable time to build mutual trust, respect and admiration within any type of relational bond~ which is why when a friend betrays our trust or loses our respect, it can feel devastating.

How many of us do ya think, ‘commonly’ overlook essential friendship qualities and characteristics, when thinking mostly with our genitals (which has historically clouded our judgement in the first place, hasn’t it?). Instant gratification can be a marvelous (albeit brief) experience~ but how often has hindsight forced us to assess whether the Prize we chased after, was really worth the Price we’ve had to pay for it?

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