The deep pain of yearning you might feel in relationship literally means you're STARVING for love. It MEANS you're not getting the time, attention or affection you need from a partner.
Pull yourself together, and realize you're settling for this condition, rather than seeking the love you NEED, but may not yet feel worthy of receiving.
Real love is NEVER painful. It feels consistently rich, satisfying, safe and secure. You don't have a frame of reference for what genuine love feels like, because you've been denied it since infancy.
Make absolutely certain, you're not still associating painful longing for love, with the emotion itself. This is a distortion of what REAL love is supposed to feel like!
If you believe that Love = Pain and vice-versa, you grew up not being able to get your needs for comfort, affection, warmth and understanding met~ which means you'll 'settle' for a lot less than you should from a lover or friend, than you truly deserve!