You’ve likely seen me comment on Twitter, Facebook and in my online articles, that a solid 80% of the world’s population has Borderline Personality Disorder traits. My observations may seem outrageous to you, but when we consider how few people are able to maintain stable, loving, enduring relationship bonds, and in fact, appear to be so afraid of real closeness and attachment that they routinely act-out and distance their romantic partners, it’s not too difficult to surmise that BPD traits have reached worldwide epidemic proportions. Corona virus can’t even hold a candle to this stuff.

In the midst of our recent pandemic, certain groups of people associating themselves with politically far-left principles and ideations, have burned and destroyed public and private property, viciously attacked innocent people dining with their families, desecrated historical statues and buildings, defiled burial grounds, violently threatened and invaded the homes of US citizens, assaulted the elderly as well as very young children, and demonstrated no sense of concern or morality whatsoever, for the safety or human rights of others. Republicans have not performed these civic atrocities, so-called Democrats have. 

I hate that innocent blacks in poor neighborhoods get shot and killed by gang violence. I hate that every cop who has poor impulse control and should never have been allowed to graduate from the academy or wear a badge is stopping black citizens while walking or driving in their car, for no good reason. It stinks. It’s unfair. It’s racist . . . however, just because there are some rotten apples in the barrel, it doesn’t mean the entire container should be thrown out. 

There are many Asian, Hispanic AND African American cops on the force all over the world. Do they ALL have to suffer, for a few bad apples? Can we distinguish between ‘some’ bad cops, and all cops?? I’ve got news for ya, folks~ there are some really bad psychotherapists who cross ethical and moral boundaries with their clients because they’re personality disordered and have no sense of right and wrong, but does this imply that EVERY psychotherapist is bad and should have his or her license suspended or yanked?? 

The borderline disordered personality is emotionally underdeveloped. It’s accurate to think of them as very young children in adult bodies. They are hampered just as a three-year old is, due to living with significant deficits in judgment, impulse control, boundaries, and empathy. Essentially, they have never grown into these adult characteristics. Emotional development always precedes moral development. You can’t behave in moralistic ways, if you’re underdeveloped emotionally~ because you have no empathy. You cannot identify or relate to another’s inner experience, various emotions, or even, physical pain. 

Borderlines I’ve worked with in the past, have vehemently declared they’re “very empathic!” But they are confusing the emotion of sympathy, with empathy. Sympathy (as I state on my website’s glossary page) is the ability to feel sorry for another. Empathy on the other hand, is the capacity to RELATE with what another is experiencing. Neither Narcissists nor Borderlines can manage this, because they’ve been dissociated from their own pain, since early childhood~ so they sure as hell can’t identify with Yours! 

Borderlines like toddlers, see their world in terms of black or white, right or wrong. Their way of thinking about an issue can never be circumspect, because their young minds cannot see the situation from more than one perspective. For those of us with some emotional development under our belts, we have the capacity to look at an event from a lot of different angles and weigh all the information, before leaping to a conclusion or opinion. The BPD guy or gal cannot do this. Just like a small child, they have no capacity to see the bigger picture let’s say, why mommy won’t let them have a cookie right NOW, because it’s too close to lunch or dinner time.

Another element of BPD, is that these individuals have no capacity for delayed gratification. They want their cookie, and they want it right this minute! We see this impulsivity and need for instant gratification among children and teens, because they have not developed as yet into adults, who are capable of inner reasoning, and having any patience with regard to satisfying their desires.  

As a grown-up learns, often sooner than later in life, the Right Thing isn’t always the Best Thing, and the Best Thing isn’t always the Right Thing. Each incident in their world must be assessed and handled with this consideration in mind. That’s what makes it hard sometimes, to know exactly what to do when faced with a challenging decision. Adults can make these choices, because they allow for the grey areas in life. The parts that are not as radically defined as those which are black or white. They are also capable of finding better solutions to problems, because they carefully consider which of several options is the best for all concerned. They do this, because of their sense of morality. Do YOU??

  • Home
  • /
  • Blog
  • /
  • Do you see Your personal world as black, white or shades of grey?