If you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail. If you're a nail, everything in your world looks like a hammer.

Victim-types make shortsighted choices and decisions that potentially threaten their sense of safety, security and well-being~ then wonder why it often feels like their life has “turned to shit.”

Their constitutional identity subtly or overtly seeks-out chaos, strife, drama and crisis. It's not that they do this stuff consciously or intentionally, yet a victim's sense of Self (what little there is) feels unworthy of contentment, abundance, love and joy. When we feel undeserving of ‘good,’ we block it from flowing to us.

Hence, emotionally careless actions are implemented without any regard to potential consequences. Neither young children nor Borderlines are capable of comprehending the meaning of cause and effect.

A colleague and I last night were comparing notes on UN-help-able clients we've had at one time or another in our respective practices. The average person hearing about one’s continuous self-sabotaging, self-undermining practices and behaviors would feel AGHAST!

Borderlines live only for the moment. There's never thought given to building a stronger, more genuinely empowered Self in order to secure a pain-free future. They are highly dependent beings (survivors always are), with a greater than average confidence in being able to USE others to get what they want, thru prodigious manipulation skills and techniques.

Seldom does a Borderline grow up prioritizing independence, self-reliance and a sturdy, unshakable sense of Self. Like grifters and pickpockets, they've learned that their survival depends solely on whatever they can TAKE from others, to ensure there's always a 'safety net' beneath them. In a sense, they're dumpster-divers, always looking for opportunities to grab what others own, at zero cost to themselves.

They'll even try to steal your brand. Borderlines routinely copy and plagiarize others' original writings and works of art. They are incapable of independent thought.

When a BPD lover WANTS something, you can be assured they'll turn on the charm and continue bringing it up or nagging you about it, until you finally give in to their wishes or demands. In the interim, they'll often accuse you of being "cheap, selfish, cold, narcissistic, emotionally unavailable, withholding, not caring about them," etc. The problem is, you believe 'em!

You will never escape feeling guilty and/or ashamed for disappointing a Borderline, even if what they SAY they want and why they want it, makes no rational or reasonable sense to you. You will try reasoning with them. You will try logic. You will call upon every rational cell in your body, to deter them from hammering you to give 'em what they're asking for.

Do not bother. There's no making a Borderline "happy." The moment you satisfy ONE wish, whim, desire or need, another one almost immediately pops up. In short, the nagging never ends~ regardless of what they promise you.

Why?? Because Borderlines are Control Freaks. Each time you relent and give 'em what they want, it's a private little victory for 'em. They've WON that battle, and conquered more territory in the relationship. They cannot be pleased and they're NEVER satisfied. Each new battle for MORE, is experienced as an enlivening, thrilling challenge for someone with BPD traits.

Can a Borderline EVER be happy and content with what they have? NO. “Contentment” means flatness, boredom and emptiness for these people. When there's nothing to push and strive for, they experience the deadness that has lived long-term in their core, due to having dissociated from a litany of vitally important emotions, since they were toddlers.

And this folks, is right around the time their emotional growth and maturation process stopped.

  • Home
  • /
  • Blog
  • /
  • Every Borderline carries VICTIM energy within. These are Survivors, who’ve never surmounted their sense of insecurity and desperation.