Emotionally undercooked people have such a limited emotional repertoire available to them, they feel overwhelm when trying to discern and express what they're feeling, especially when upset or anger gets triggered in em.
The truth is, we as humans very seldom feel one clean, clear emotion at a time. It's always layers of feelings we're confronted with, that makes talking about what's going on inside us most challenging for people who've dissociated from their emotions since they were very young.
There are myriad feeling states we need as healthy humans, to reintegrate into our personality domain. Every emotion has many shades or dimensions to it, so if we suppress our anger for example, we're not just killing off ONE feeling, we're murdering a dozen or more.
As every emotion has its own spectrum, with shades of light grey descending into black, you might imagine how bereft of feeling states we've been, if we've separated ourselves from even only one "single" emotion.
We cannot feel true aliveness, if we're suppressing even a limited number of emotions, because they're manufactured and maintained in our body~ NOT our head. When you feel sad or depressed or angry, this is your BODY that's holding these feelings~ not your mind.
The brain tries desperately to make sense of difficult feelings in our body, mostly because we've judged them as wrong or bad, since we were toddlers, and might have been punished for feeling them by parental units that didn't have a clue about loving a child properly.
A parent who's divorced/dissociated from his or her OWN dark emotions, will surely fail to be responsive to 'em in their child. The kid grows up sensing certain feelings are unacceptable, and alienated themselves from these vital parts of the Self, well into adulthood and (ultimately) the grave.
The cure for Borderline Personality Disorder involves RE-associating a client with feeling states he or she discarded since early childhood, in order to emotionally survive in their home of origin. This requires TEACHING these people to stay the fuck outta their head when they begin to feel bad, and learn to accept, tolerate, and experience these emotions solely IN THE BODY, using tried and true self-soothing tools designed for the purpose of helping them emotionally develop.
In MY 30+ years of working with core-damaged individuals, nothing else has brought about tangible, lasting growth and healing. These methods fly in the face of everything the psychotherapy profession wants to do with you, of course. It's just not part of their paradigm, to avoid ANALYZING emotions in the head, searching for the root cause of them, and thinking this will bring about healing and resolution. It doesn't.
You may gain some interesting insights about your pain, but it doesn't mean this pain evaporates from within your core and cellular body. Your body cells remember every emotional wound that's ever occurred, and until that damage can effectively be purged from the body in the course of FEELING work, humans resign themselves to "learning to live with it."
When you have therapists who've routinely analyzed the shit out of every painful emotion they've ever had and remain dissociated from their OWN feelings, it's rather foolish to think they can help you get reacquainted with Yours, isn't it?
I'm not saying psychotherapy has no value. I'm saying that when it comes to primal, core pain due to an infant's inability to get his adoration for mother returned to him, no talk therapy in the world is gonna alter that. Thus, he goes thru his entire life, looking for a profound connection that provides the nourishing emotional safety and security he could never quite get from his maternal object, during infancy and early childhood.
THIS is the element that Borderlines seduce us with at the very beginning of a romantic relationship interlude, and why these people are so damned irresistible to us! It's literally because we've sought that intense "love-bombing" experience since we were NEWBORNS.