Mutual trust is of tantamount importance in ANY relationship~ even therapeutic dynamics. Trust HAS to work both ways if you're in treatment, or you haven't got even a remote a shot at getting well. Your therapist must gradually earn your trust, but he or she must be able to sense and FEEL you're being completely open and honest with them about your needs, feelings and fears concerning that entire process with em.
A therapeutic practitioner's job is NEVER to judge you. Their job is to accept the authentic/real you fully, so that you may learn over time, to fully accept Yourself. This is the reparative growth aspect of responsible treatment. If you're not willing to show up with your practitioner in an honest and transparent way, you're wasting Your money, and Their time and expertise.
Think of it this way~ if you don't give a medical professional as much honest information and feedback as you possibly can about your symptoms, how can they go about effectively treating you?? This aspect is fresh for me, 'cause I saw an ENT doctor today for a chronic and acute ear itch. I volunteered as much detail about what I've been feeling as was possible, so he could make an expert diagnosis and prescribe the proper treatment for me. Well folks, it's the same with therapy!
Now, if you have poor self-worth because you were raised by a BPD woman and became a Borderline as a natural consequence of that, you'll be trying to impress the person treating you, by wanting to appear perfect and above reproach. You will assume they're waiting for every opportunity to judge and diminish you like your momma did.
This phenomenon of transferring mother's dark characteristics onto another (particularly your therapist) is called "transference." This type of occurrence is normal and to be expected, within solid and meaningful therapeutic assistance. It happens with every client~ but it's more pronounced with the Borderline personality. When you're a Borderline, anyone in your life who is in an authoritative position with you, triggers intimidation and fear. You stay worried about losing their acceptance, admiration and affection. In a sense, you're always trying to perform with them, so you can insure that they view you as positively as you NEED them to. You can't show up as truthful and honest, because fear of rejection and other painful repercussions (like feeling ashamed) are ever-present for you.
You NEVER got your needs for acceptance or adoration quenched by Mother, so you feel unworthy of anyone satisfying them for you~ which is why you push away, cheat on and demean people who are actually capable of loving you! You are a Borderline, and these are your primary symptoms.
Borderlines act-out their ambivalence and downright fear surrounding attachment. Even relying on one therapist for help is frightening to em, and they'll often try to diffuse the work with that person by culling from as many other modalities of treatment as they can~ even if it's voraciously reading online materials from multiple sources, and flooding themselves with cerebral gunk until they're overwhelmed by it.
The good news is, I have effectively worked with hundreds of these poor, misguided souls. The bad news is, I have had the misfortune of working with hundreds of these poor, misguided souls. The thing is, you've gotta be on your toes and thinking on your feet 100% of the time with a client like this, because they're so crafty, deceitful and manipulative, they can temporarily fool even the most skilled and gifted of practitioners.
If you've been in a romantic or platonic relationship with a Borderline, and you're still beating yourself up for "not knowing better, or not having seen it coming," try to quit that shit~ because ya know what? IT'S HAPPENED TO THE VERY BEST OF US!