Cognitive distortion is only one symptom of BPD, but it may be the most challenging to encounter. Your Borderline will accuse you of the most heinous and despicable things, and you're dumbfounded as they're pummeling you or throwing household objects at your head with intent to seriously injure you.

You cannot talk a Borderline out of their imagined, twisted assumptions. You could be the most loyal and loving person they've ever encountered, and they're utterly convinced during vitriolic tantrums, that you're cheating on 'em.

Not all people with attachment issues and resultant BPD traits are so extremely skewed in their perceptions. This is a spectrum disorder, so symptomology ranges from mild and almost benign, to acute. It can seem like the more alluring or attractive one is, the more severe their symptoms will be. There are reasons this is true, but it doesn't serve THIS format to illuminate them.

When you're in love with someone like this, it's difficult to think and act rationally, but if you had healthy self-worth, there's no way you'd stick around with someone who routinely displays psychotic traits, no matter HOW good they are in bed.

The thing that keeps you going back for more abuse, is a deep inner longing to be accepted and adored. The fierce pursuit of someone who can satisfy this painful craving for love in you, has driven you into the arms of people who have made you feel about yourself precisely as your mother did, since you were a newborn.

If you are born to a mother who was not demonstrative and couldn't convey to you with PHYSICAL gestures how precious and valued you were, you grew up forever questioning your worth. Anyone who comes along and SPORADICALLY makes you feel lovable and worthy of their attention (no matter what KIND of attention) is one you will not separate yourself from, regardless of how much abuse and/or emotional torment you must endure in-between those 'feel-good' moments you literally live for.

You lived for those moments as a child, as well. You became hyper-vigilant in hopes of capturing them at every opportunity. These and these alone, represented your much-craved validation that you were "lovable."

The problem with this distinct patterning in early childhood with a mother who is truly incapable of loving a child, is that your painful yearning for positive attention became your DEFINITION for what "real love" is supposed to feel like! In short, if you can't experience painful longing for richly satisfying moments with someone, you cannot interpret the feelings you have for them, as "Love."

For a Borderline personality, Love equals Pain, and vice-versa. Any attachment that does not produce excruciating emotional yearning for another's kindness or affection, is one which will not sustain itself.

The better and more consistently you demonstrate adoration for someone with BPD, the less exciting, intriguing and valued you are to them. If you're a good, solid person who is capable of loving another, you honestly don't stand a snowball's chance in Hell with a Borderline!

Is there any solution to your painful longing for love?? Yes, but you must first review your own romantic history, to determine how many suitors/lovers YOU rejected, for precisely the same reasons your Borderline is pushing You away. Did they seem uninteresting or "boring" to you? Were you able to accept and welcome their adoration and respect? Did you fully believe you deserved their admiration and affection, or did it make ya feel a little uneasy or icky?

If you never got this kind of attention from Mother, you can't trust or accept that you're worthy of it~ and so your search for broken, unavailable people who cannot love (anyone) continues indefinitely.

How to fix this very complex issue in yourself?? Be willing to undergo true healing and growth work, which not only builds genuine self-worth, but simultaneously helps you learn how to re-associate with feelings and facets of yourself that you DISSOCIATED from, since you were a toddler, in order to survive the pain you were in back then.

The bottom line, is that dissociation has separated you from an infinite number of emotions, facts and aspects within yourself~ and authentic Love for someone isn't possible, if you can't really KNOW 'em~ even, if that someone is You.

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