It's astounding to me, that so many people fall in love with what they think is someone's potential. We meet em, we can check off the appropriate number of boxes (except for one or two) in terms of the qualities we're seeking in a partner, yet they seem to hold great promise for us, don't they?
Desperation always clouds human judgment. We're often so eager to BE with someone, we don't realize what we're overlooking or thinking we can easily remedy until we're already emotionally hooked, and it's too late to extract ourselves without feeling a lotta pain and withdrawal,
The question that begs to be asked here is, why the do we DO it? Well, I've been pondering this for some time, and the only way I can make sense of our indominable desire to turn a lover into someone he or she ISN'T (outside of a painful need to escape being alone with our self-abuse), is we grew up waiting for our parental units to pull THEIR shit together.
We waited and waited. We observed their good qualities now and then, we knew they were capable of more and better, yet we waited endlessly it seemed, for stable, consistent behavior to emerge, so we could feel safer, happier, loved and more at ease around em.
They gave us glimpses of hope. Moments that felt joyful or even, what we might have thought constituted "normal," based on TV shows or movies about family life we watched as kids. We hoped and prayed our parents' finer moments would turn into hours, and dared to even dream at times, they could last as long as a day, or maybe two.
It's my opinion that we grew up being in love with the 2 adults in our home based on their potential. You were a child then. You knew no better.
What you SEE is what you GET. If a guy or gal hasn't gotten their ship in the water before they've met you, it's not a problem you should attempt to take on, just because they make a great omelet, or the sex is good. Who they ARE, is who they'll be!
Very likely, they have a string of lovers who bolstered em up and hung in there for a long while, hoping they'd become responsible or emotionally sound and happy, or financially solvent. You've just joined the queue, 'cause you've got stars in your eyes and nobody in your entire life was ever wise enough to warn ya:
NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE FOR THEIR POTENTIAL.
Another really good rule of thumb is this:
NEVER get involved with someone who has more problems than you~ unless you're a THERAPIST by profession, and they're paying you handsomely for your time and expertise.