Contrary to popular belief, Borderlines are not afraid of "abandonment." If they were, they wouldn't continually orchestrate it for themselves by distancing, abusing and pushing you OUT the fucking door.
Borderlines are afraid of ATTACHMENT. The very thought of needing you emotionally, triggers anxious feelings associated with loss of Self and capacity to survive without you. Highly destructive acting-out behaviors temporarily mollify this inner anxiety, until the next time they begin to feel "too close" to you.
Inherent in LOVING another, is NEEDING them emotionally, and there's no fucking way to circumvent this. Millions of people never allow themselves to love deeply, based on the fear it catalyzes within. They'd much rather 'settle' for someone they can't deeply love, so they can temper the inevitable anxiety they feel, if they attempt it.
Not having been able to forge or maintain a safe, nourishing, secure emotional bond with mother as newborns, Borderlines experience a fear of bonding far more profoundly than the rest of us~ however, genuine and deep loving is an emotional risk for every human, because devastating loss might follow.
Our survival instincts tell us not to love to the extent we can be hurt, so we shelter ourselves from excruciating potential pin by not attaching fully, even (in many cases) to our children. This holding-back of loving emotions to protect ourselves from further pain, then implants the same wounding in our offspring that was inflicted during our own infancy experiences, on us!
In short, the beat goes on and on, indefinitely. Borderlines beget Borderlines, because precious few ever do the core trauma work essential to helping them grow and mend, to stop this never-ending dysfunctional cycle. Each new generation carries, replicates and passes along this exact wounding to the one that follows.
Lack of emotional development inhibits and derails MORAL development. Someone lacking in emotional growth has no sense of right and wrong, no boundaries, no impulse control and no empathy. This outcome is equivalent to a very young child's narcissistic sensibilities. They have no capacity for greater than this, until they reach the ages of between 9 to 12. This developmental fact is true for ALL humans.
When trauma has been an integral part of a person's childhood development, their emotional age is STUNTED. This is what we observe among people with Borderline Personality Disorder traits. A Borderline is basically a toddler inhabiting an adult body, who has an incredibly difficult time navigating the adult demands inherent in professional and interpersonal relationships.
What little sense of stability they 'might' have, is easily rocked and threatened. They feel outdone by even minor upsets, setbacks or conflicts. Anything that threatens their status quo, shakes them to their core. What else, might we expect from a tender little 3 year old trying to negotiate life's challenges, in the world of adults??