Borderlines may be inclined to flood themselves with therapeutic help, by simultaneously engaging MORE than one source for it. I think their underlying belief is, the more the merrier~ or, if I can just oversaturate myself with support from several sources, I may more quickly end my pain and at long-last, reach happiness.

Sadly, this is never accurate. It's NOT an effective strategy, it does not serve them, and while they can stay nice and "busy" in their heads trying to integrate information and insight from numerous "helping" sources, they are literally harmed by this practice.

Let me explain: Let's say each of your feet is standing on the back of two horses, and as they're galloping along in the same direction, you feel a sense of congruency and glee. But when one of those horses begins to veer in a different direction, what happens to YOU in the middle??

Using more than one therapeutic source at a time leads to inner confusion and chaos. Exactly whom can you learn to TRUST, when you're hearing conflicting ideas and experiencing different interventions that seem like they're contradicting each other??

In my BPD Male article, I speak directly to this issue, calling it "The Buckshot Method." While I can understand someone's fierce desire to get over their pain as rapidly as possible~ and they think that engaging as many self-help books, Ted talks, therapists or coaches or coaching programs as possible might SEEM like a shortcut to accomplishing their aim, it is sadly, not.

The central core of this 'Buckshot Method' issue, is the BPD client is terrified of attaching. They don't wanna NEED you, because if they they allow themselves to be wholly reliant on you and (God forbid) you die or abandon them, where does that leave 'em? How will they SURVIVE without you?!

This is key to why Borderlines play distancing games with their therapists~ and with YOU. They diffuse their bond with you by flirting with others, having sexual and/or emotional affairs, and generally keeping you at arms length when they begin to feel real closeness. They do very similar things to avoid feeling dependent on their therapeutic relationship~ particularly, when they've started to make great strides, and heal.

Remember~ the more you matter to them, the closer they feel to you, the quicker they feel a need to distance. It's actually a self-preservation technique they learned as infants, to shield themselves from further pain.

Borderlines learned from the first hours of life outside their mother's womb, they could not depend on their love-bond with Mother being reciprocated. They not only experienced shame in reference to NOT getting their adoration returned, they were never able to build a sense of safety and trust within that attachment.

Segue to later in life, when their subliminal understanding of their infancy experiences underscores every single instance of feeling really close to you! They are instantly alerted (on a sensory level in their body), it's JUST NOT SAFE. (Poor babies.)

This is the Borderline's crucible. They feel a deep, painful yearning to be bonded or welded to you, but the fear of needing you and being rejected makes attachment feel like a very threatening and unsafe endeavor. It literally brings up anxiety in them, to where they MUST push away, in order to experience any sense of inner balance . . .

and no matter HOW much you assure them that your devotion and love for them is solid and enduring, they can't trust it, because it's never been part of their bonding experience! It takes a very unique, highly specialized kind of intervention to begin breaking down the defenses a Borderline has constructed since his or her first weeks of life outside their mother's womb.

Psychotherapy is not equipped to heal this trauma, and yet people search endlessly it seems, to find someone/anyone who can help them resolve their pattern of attracting painful, unrewarding relationship experiences~ when in fact, it is THEY who are incapable of bonding~ regardless of how wholesome and healthy a romantic partner they select.  Imagine that.
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