You’re going about your day as usual, and all of a sudden your heart starts pounding, you break out in a sweat, you’re feeling dizzy or faint and short of breath. You might be nauseous or feel like you’re choking, and you presume you’re having a heart attack, because there's pain or pressure in your chest! You’re almost paralyzed by these scary sensations, and fairly certain you’re either dying or going crazy. Welcome to your first panic attack.
What seems weird, is that one day you’re fine, and the next day you’re not. Like thousands of individuals worldwide who struggle with feelings of panic or anxiety, you're probably wondering just how and why this has happened to you!
The mystery of Anxiety Disorder is that it appears to "come out of nowhere" and of course, this is perplexing to your rational mind. Since panic symptoms are unlike anything you’ve felt before and they seem completely beyond your ability to control, your natural response might be to consult a physician.
Once you're examined by a doctor, and obvious medical concerns (like heart disease) are ruled out, the myth your physician may perpetuate about your condition is, "it’s treatable, but incurable." Next thing you know, you're leaving his/her office with an Rx for anti-anxiety meds, and questioning if you'll always be dependent on that prescription.
By the time you read this, you may have had a number of these debilitating episodes, and you're actively seeking a cure--or perhaps you've learned to live with this issue, by making certain adjustments and sacrifices. In either case, you're about to discover that you can eliminate this problem fairly easily.
Perhaps you're skeptical, and that's wise and healthy--in fact, I wouldn't expect you to feel differently at this point. You've suffered terribly, and that's why this article was written for You. Specific life experiences have contributed to your condition, and the insights you'll acquire here can be an important part of your healing. You'll get the most value from this piece, if you click the hyperlinks that take you to other pages, after you've completed reading/studying this literature.
WHAT'S IT ALL ABOUT, ALFIE?
Panic and anxiety impact the autonomic nervous system in your body which operates its involuntary responses to various stressors. These 'autonomic' responses function automatically, whether you want them to or not~ think, ‘goose bumps’ when you’re cold or frightened, and perspiration when you’re nervous or overheated.
Along these lines, feelings of anxiety and panic are such intense stressors, they trigger bodily reactions that are impossible to ignore or brush aside as insignificant or unimportant--in other words, you can't choose not to feel them! Anti-anxiety meds interact with your brain to help calm and control these physical reactions, but they do not address the root cause of your distress. This article helps you learn why you've acquired this condition, and how to eliminate it once and for all.
First, try to understand that the core of panic and anxiety problems is connected to blocking or not feeling other emotions, and you've likely been doing this since you were very young. In truth, if you'd been given the kind of attention as a child that comforted and soothed you when you experienced emotional pain, rather than forcing you to put those feelings away or disregard them (as your parents did), you'd have learned how to self-soothe whenever difficult feelings emerged, and you wouldn't be wrestling with panic or anxiety attacks right now.
Have you ever heard yourself exclaim, "whatever!" in reference to a situation or person you're struggling with? When we're not given loving attention as kids to help us cope with painful emotions like disappointment, fear or frustration, our only option is to suppress these feelings--or make them not matter. This reflex follows us into adulthood, and is actually the central cause of panic attacks.
Addiction to alcohol and various drugs often arise in children or young adults out of their need to 'manage' anxious, uncomfortable or painful emotions that were inconvenient for their parents to accommodate. Humans typically find clever ways to side-step their difficult feelings with compulsive/addictive activities such as overeating, smoking, sex, porn, intense gym workouts, gambling, over-work, internet surfing, etc.
If you're trapped at home with Agoraphobia, you may have already explored various methods for mitigating it, and could be feeling discouraged that you're still suffering. It's okay. Believe it or not, Agoraphobia can be cured and you can begin to enjoy getting out of your house with tiny exercises that produce incremental gains, and keep you feeling safe and secure.
Most therapies and 'do-it-yourself' programs are behaviorally based, and your success depends solely on a lot of self-discipline (I hate that, don't you?). Unfortunately, they can't target your anxiety issues in a way that helps you overcome them, because they're not specific to how your panic triggers were established. We're finally gonna change all that.
While this marketplace seems saturated with books, tapes and CD programs that claim to end panic attacks, you may be like many others, who respond best to a more personalized approach. There's no shame in this, so quit beating yourself up for not having been successful at dismantling your anxiety in the past. That only keeps you trapped in shame and self-loathing, and Shame is the neighborhood we wanna help you leave move out of.
FOR EVERY PROBLEM, THERE'S A SOLUTION.
Regardless of whether you're afraid of driving your car (a typical anxiety complaint) or performing another task or function outside of your home, these obstacles can be overcome! While reading this article, you might experience sudden sleepiness, or perhaps a little sadness. Rest assured, there's nothing to fear from these sensations, and I encourage you to continue. These are somatic responses, which means that parts of you are identifying with elements being discussed here, that may have contributed to your current struggle with anxiety issues. It also means that full recovery could be just around the corner.
"WHY'D THIS HAPPEN TO ME?!"
Anxiety and panic don't just happen "out of the blue," even though it seems this way to virtually everyone, after their first panic episode. Anxiety isn't some sort of alien entity that invades your body when you've reached a particular age or stress level. The roots of this problem actually go way back to early childhood, and if you've become a People Pleaser, fixer, caregiver or rescuer you're at much higher risk for acquiring this disorder, because you've suppressed your own feelings and needs in order to be responsive to everyone else's!
You may have lived for many years with self-judgment and fear about feeling and expressing certain emotions. Metaphorically speaking, after sweeping all those feelings 'under the rug' for so long, you're now having to maneuver on some very lumpy carpet! As this cannot help but impede your forward movement in personal and professional domains, how could you possibly feel safe or secure about much of anything?
Long standing panic symptoms may be only part of an individual's diagnostic picture, that could be associated with Borderline Personality Disorder. The reason BPD traits may exist, is that childhood struggles usually prompt difficult feelings and the need to dissociate from them to survive whatever's going on in the home. Dissociation is discussed in greater depth throughout this literature. It generally takes the form of suppression, or forcing various emotions underground, when they seem too emotionally dangerous to experience or express. These foundational control issues can be resolved within effective feeling-based work.
When you've been diagnosed with Anxiety or Panic Disorder, at some point you'll probably be asking yourself at least one of the following questions: "Do I have to take pills the rest of my life, so I can move through my days without these disruptive, debilitating symptoms? Should I buy tapes or CD’s that teach me to talk myself through panic episodes, so I can eventually manage them? Do I have enough patience/discipline to actually use those techniques, and will they ultimately heal my anxiety condition? Is behavioral modification or 'self-talk' a permanent solution for this issue?" And finally, "What the heck caused this in the first place!?"
The answer to all these questions, is No~ because they only address the symptoms of your anxiety/panic, not the cause of it. We're finally gonna help you understand and eliminate the cause of your distress.
MYSTERY IN A NUTSHELL
Anxiety (in most cases) is merely a surrogate emotion that steps-in to take the place of important but uncomfortable feelings you'd rather not experience, think you shouldn't be feeling, and have trained yourself since you were very young to get rid of.
Insight begins with discovering that panic and anxiety are nothing more than very powerful feelings, that are able to break through all emotional controls you've developed and reinforced throughout your entire lifetime. Again, having discovered how to escape certain feelings or make them "not matter" is at the foundation of all panic and anxiety issues!
The reasons you might have had to do this are detailed below, and keeping an open mind will be very useful in helping you mend. For now, let's respect that you've acquired some terrific coping skills that have helped you get through very challenging or difficult situations. These have served you during childhood~ but at this point they're working against you, and contributing to your panic attacks! Hang on, this is about to make much more sense . . .
now, this is where I want you to notice what you're feeling. Are you starting to feel impatient? Is a part of you saying, "I don't care about WHY I'm struggling, I just need to know how to fix this!" and you're wishing I'd just give you the magic key that unlocks your ability to terminate your panic attacks right now! I honestly don't blame you, but let's first congratulate yourself for feeling frustrated and impatient, because this means you've already made progress! We cannot heal what we're not willing to Feel~ so pat yourself on the back for having these feelings, will ya?
At this juncture, you might wanna take a little break. You've absorbed a lot of information already, and we're gonna let your Subconscious Mind work at integrating it for a little while. If you feel hungry, go eat something. If you feel tired or sleepy, take a nap or just lie on your sofa or bed and close your eyes for a bit. If you feel angry, pissed-off or frustrated, find a private place where only you can hear yourself, and scream really loud (maybe inside your car with the windows rolled up). Curse, swear, use profanity, whatever helps you accept these anger feelings (without any judgment or self-ridicule), and let em out.
THE ROOTS OF A PANIC TREE
Attention: As you read the following text, this is where those sensations of sadness or sleepiness I told you about earlier might stir up for you. Again, these are somatic (physical) responses in the body that are getting triggered by you relating to what you're being shown is true for you, and it's feeling uncomfortable, so you might just wanna shut down and not see this stuff, or you may have feelings of sadness emerge inside you. Any and all sensations you might be having are great because if we can't teach you to feel things other than anxiety or panic, we can't get you well. Are ya feeling ready to move on yet? Okay, here we go...
As children, we needed a lot of loving attention. Warmth, positive mirroring and affection would help us grow healthy self-esteem. If/when we didn't get enough of it, we started doubting our value and lovability. As we developed, our parents might have punished or ignored us, just for expressing various natural emotions that were inconvenient or unpleasant for them to tolerate or even accommodate.
So, in order to obtain vital supplies of acceptance and approval that every child needs, or at least avoid being alienated or punished, we learned to hyper-control our emotions in order to appear and act an "acceptable" manner around Mom and Dad~ and some of us still do! Our fear of repercussion from our parent(s) if we expressed darker emotions made us learn to suppress them. If our mom or dad treated feelings such as sadness, anger or frustration as negative or "bad," we learned to regard these emotions with the same disdain they did. But were we rewarded for learning to hyper-control our feelings? Did we ever get the approval and affection we desperately needed, so we could feel better about ourselves and (at least, in their eyes) get by? Usually not~ but we never stopped hoping for it!
Any adult who's learned to suppress feelings, was once a child who discovered it was easier or safer to become 'invisible' in his house so as not to put more burden on his parent and feel guilty or ashamed for it. This kid is a sitting duck for acquiring anxiety issues. Rather than risk being verbally ridiculed or physically punished for having any needs, this child learned to kill off and bury a litany of natural feeling states, just to survive.
For many of us, suppression of difficult feelings developed into a habituated pattern of accommodation or people pleasing behaviors, which made us always place the needs or wishes of others far ahead of our own. We've never even been able to discern what our needs are, because as children nobody noticed we had any~ or cared enough to be responsive to them. My book, DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? deeply explores and exposes how this issue has negatively impacted us. Without highly specialized help to resolve our core trauma, this learned tendency to negate our own feelings and needs remains alive forever, and derails every aspect of our existence both personally and professionally. In worse case scenarios, it prompts and perpetuates Agoraphobia.
As an agoraphobic, you're terrified of leaving your home for fear you'll experience complete loss of control and humiliation, in the midst of a panic attack. You're afraid of how others will perceive you, should this occur. But the truth is, since virtually all "unfavorable" feelings have been suppressed throughout your lifetime, you're now literally imprisoned by a disorder that keeps you home-bound. Bottom line? If you've never learned how to deal with your feelings, your feelings will deal with you!
Panic attacks can keep us trapped in loveless, passionless relationships. We cling to them, because we think we need the other person, even if we're no longer wanting him/her, or our partner is abusive. Quite often though, it's various elements within your relationship dynamic that could be triggering your anxiety! Recognizing this might force you to face some difficult choices you'd rather not confront. They can take you out of your well-established comfort zone, even if it's frequently been painful for you.
The truth is, if we can gain enough empowerment to help us deal effectively with our pain, panic virtually evaporates.
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GOOD OL' HUMAN NATURE RIDES AGAIN
We're all equipped with an instinctual impulse to survive. This is with us from from the time we're born~ or maybe beforehand, and is sometimes referred to as our 'fight or flight' mechanism. As kids, it likely felt too dangerous to take a stand for ourselves and fight with our parents, so we fled. We might have done this by spending a lot of time in our room, or hanging out with our friends and their families, or spending a lot of time in movie theaters or game arcades.
Aside from these childhood 'mini-escapes,' it didn't seem practical or possible to leave home permanently at an early age, so we found ways to distract from or block our emotional pain. We gradually shut-down or denied certain feelings and needs, because when they weren't adequately responded to in our home, we were left with anger/rage, frustration or sadness.
Since these emotions felt bad, we came to judge them as bad or wrong, and methodically trained ourselves to avoid them! Each time these emotions surface today, you might still judge yourself as wrong or bad for having them, which reinforces your impulse to push them even further away.
Emotions are usually referred to as "feelings," because we feel them in our body. They are all extremely valuable and necessary, because they help us respond in appropriate, emotionally congruent ways to different life situations.
All feelings including physical ones, are impacted by suppression and denial; you cannot decide to 'kill off' feelings you think of as "negative," and expect the positive ones to remain alive and vibrant! In short, when we squelch our pain or anger, we also squelch our joy~ and this of course, fuels anxiety, depression and sensations of emptiness.
When you’ve been programmed since childhood to believe that certain kinds of feelings are "unacceptable," you'll have a strong tendency to reprimand or diminish yourself whenever they start to surface. This can motivate you to want to throw away those feelings, but what do you suppose happens to them when they're discarded~ that is, where the heck do they go??
If you've been a fan of HBO's The Sopranos, you might have learned this answer, when Dr. Melfi explained to Tony Soprano during his therapy session, "depression is rage turned inward." By the way, James Gandolfini's character started his psychiatric treatment for help with panic attacks! Unexpressed resentment or anger and hurt also prompt passive-aggressive behaviors, which severely compromise you and your relationships, but let's come back to this later.
ANXIETY EMBRYOS GROW INTO PANIC MONSTERS.
When various feelings get disposed of in order to have a better experience with Mom and Dad, it's pretty common for children to mentally 'fast-forward' and envision a brighter future--to escape emotional pain/discomfort in the present.
The adaptive reflex that most kids acquire is; "when I grow up, it'll be different!" This reflex is attended by fantasies of what adulthood will be like, and what we'll have or own in terms of a child's notion of happiness.
Another of these reflexes that helped us regulate internal pain or tension as kids, was drawing comparisons to others who had it "much worse" than we did. Our parents may have had a hand in creating this one, by shoving platitudes down our throat; "I cried when I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no legs," or you may have heard, "keep this up, and I'll give you something to cry about!"
These remarks were supposedly intended to obliterate any difficult emotions we had to endure back then, and help us cope~ but instead, they forced our feelings underground. This is where your anxiety was born.
Sadly, there are serious, inherent problems with these coping mechanisms, as they can easily sit for years~ like buried land mines, waiting to blow up! On one hand, they keep us from experiencing uncomfortable, but authentic feelings. On the other, they set us up for disappointment and shame when we're grown, because our adult life may not feel much happier, than when we were kids!
This is when long-held hopes and fantasies are challenged in a way that makes us think that having failed to manifest our childhood vision, is our fault. This terribly erroneous assumption has derailed your ability to thrive, rather than just survive. Surrendering your self-judgment and building authentic self-esteem, lets your present reality become far more pleasurable and gratifying.
Automatic, self-deprecating thoughts can be paralyzing! At the very least, they depress us, compromise our energy and impetus, and inhibit/derail all future strivings. Still, childhood fast-forwarding and comparison impulses have become part of a default survival strategy that remains embedded forever~ or until we're strongly motivated perhaps by panic attacks, to alter it.
Perhaps even more tragic, this default strategy has combined with disappointing childhood experiences, that left us with very limited resources in our emotional toolbox for building healthy adult attachments. If we haven't learned how to like and respect ourselves, how in the world can we trust and bond with anyone who views us in a far more positive light?
Furthermore, if you've never had opportunity to recognize and honor your own feelings or needs, how can you effectively respond to anyone else's?!
SELL THAT @#$+%^&* CRYSTAL BALL!
Mental fast-forwarding and scanning the horizon for disaster, are learned control reflexes. As previously mentioned, we may have cultivated these very early, when our home environments felt unstable or held unpleasant surprises, and we had to manage our feelings about that.
This tendency is magnified if there are attention deficit issues, because this neurological condition makes mood and motivation cycles dauntingly unpredictable! We've learned that 'scanning' might ease our anxiety, as it helps us envision as many different outcomes as possible, which reduces the potential for unpleasant surprise or shock. In essence, when we prepare for the worst and determine how we'll handle that, we believe we can handle anything else that comes up, which gives us a sense of safety. By the way, fast-forwarding impulses insidiously creep into our relationships--which gets us into a whole lot of trouble!
Try to realize that the future is uncharted territory, so it naturally contains elements that are unknown and unfamiliar to us. Whether we've struggled with panic attacks or not, when we project our focus beyond today, anxiety will always be invoked, because we can't predict precisely how 'tomorrow' is going to look or feel to us! Of course we can speculate, but Life doesn't allow us to completely envision much beyond this present moment in time~ and would you really want to know everything that's up ahead, even if you could?
The upshot is, while we're trying to mentally choreograph our way through this unknown terrain to help ourselves feel more "in-control," this is ironically what triggers our anxiety! Seems pretty self-defeating, doesn't it? Alas, there's a big difference between planning ahead to try and bring about the best outcome, and living in the future to try and control it. Learning new tools that empower you and replace these impulses, will banish the "what-if's?" from your psychic vocabulary.
Learning to stay in the moment and tolerate difficult feelings, means letting go of platitudes you may have learned in childhood, or gotten from self-help books that used to help you cope. Anxiety-provoking tendencies will vanish forever, when you begin to experience feelings in your body, and start to trust that you can hang out with 'em and survive! This is when intense, uncontrollable feelings (anxiety and panic sensations) will quickly dissipate.
THE LASAGNA PRINCIPLE
There's no denying that this is an extremely multi-layered issue, but we tend to learn about our emotions (or the lack of 'em) from our parents. Still, gaining access to a full repertoire of different feelings (both light and dark, positive and negative) and experiencing them without self-judgment and analysis, keeps us out of the panic zone, forever.
Unfortunately, Judeo-Christian principles strongly oppose this view. They want us to "turn the other cheek" when we've been wronged or violated, and instill in us the belief that darker thoughts and feelings are evil. Some religions (like Catholicism) take this even further, and neutralize the distinction between thoughts and actions. According to them, it's as vile a sin to think something mean or hateful, as to carry out a heinous act against another. From where I sit, this is a form of mind control that undermines our emotional and physical health--and that's just plain wrong.
Some folks apparently feel the need to ask about my religious or spiritual orientation presumably, because I have an irreverent streak. To them, I reply that God and I have an intimate, ongoing, long-term relationship. I'm not the least bit religious, and while I am a sole practitioner, I never work alone. I'm merely a conduit for human healing.
It's extremely important to note, that whatever material is not 'permitted' by your conscious mind during waking hours, will be processed by your subconscious mind during sleep. Recurring dreams and/or disturbing nightmares can easily result from repressed thoughts and feelings, which lay the groundwork for sleep disorders. A lack of deep, restful sleep referred to as REM (rapid eye movement) or dream-sleep, reduces the availability of brain chemicals that are supposed to calm and soothe you! Any shortage of these neuro-chemicals can prompt depression and anxiety. Exploring the meaning behind these dreams helps us make conscious connections to discarded/buried material that could actually be feeding your Panic Monster.
Aside from religious convictions and childhood events that paved the way for panic issues, our parents may have insisted we yield to their notion of Who we should become. Parental control can make us discard various personality facets, and abandon desires or goals that have special meaning to us. When aspirations must be surrendered, it wounds our spirit and gives birth to inner emptiness.
Self-medicating our emptiness or anxiety, may take the form of compulsive over-eating, or addictions to other substances and/or behaviors. Rediscovering our passions and reviving them, helps us mend, and create a life well worth living.
"COULD I HAVE INHERITED THIS?"
No, not genetically, but you might have acquired anxiety as a fetus, in-utero. It's common for many of us to suffer with generalized anxiety our entire lives. This type of anxiety is not attached to specific fears or phobias, or attended by panic attacks. It feels more like an underlying sense of danger or lack of safety that pervades every realm of our existence, as far back as we can remember.
Research suggests that a pregnant woman transmits all of her emotions to her fetus. Thus, if an expectant mother experiences generalized or specific anxiety, such as fear of miscarrying or threat/danger from something or someone in her environment, these sensations are co-experienced and readily absorbed by her unborn baby.
This acquired condition (I've coined it, 'womb anxiety') is often reinforced throughout his childhood. When a child's mother is a Nervous Nelly or worry wort, or she's over-protective/enmeshed with her kid, she routinely transmits to him/her that the world is an unsafe and dangerous place.
This type of maternal control can inhibit her child's autonomous development or launching phase and disrupts his independent growth, so he can never gain a healthy sense of selfhood. This developmental detour derails his capacity to confidently navigate personal and professional adult challenges, which cements his feelings of disempowerment and anxiety.
While this disturbance is quasi-inherited in his mother's womb, it has typically been exacerbated by environmental influences that programmed the panic sufferer to make his/her natural feelings "not matter." Once this difficulty has been resolved, one's panic symptoms are permanently eliminated.
THE PANIC PAYOFF
I've worked with clients who've learned how to trigger anxiety, because it helps them get out of bed in the morning, show up on time at work, attend to their kids needs, etc. Their fear of failing to perform these tasks, forces the adrenal glands to flood their body with adrenaline, which literally functions like high-octane fuel that helps them push past feelings of tiredness, depression, boredom, emptiness, etc.
Even the mere notion of letting go of their anxiety 'motivator' can inspire a sense of terror in these folks, because they're sure they'll experience a full system shut-down and cease being able to function "normally" without it, which is even scarier for 'em!
Essentially, one's dependence on anxiety to enliven and activate them has not only masked other important feeling states, it has become a coping mechanism they've held onto for dear life. This adaptive reflex can be dismantled and completely eliminated.
THE BOTTOM LINE
We all want "quick fixes." Mastering behavioral techniques and/or taking medication can help quiet our symptoms down, but neither eradicates panic tendencies that can re-emerge during various life events or developmental transitions. More importantly, these traditional methods fail to touch on very critical underlying issues, like fear of confrontation, diminished self-worth, and abandonment concerns that drove your feelings underground and spawned your anxiety issues in the first place!
As an adult, you're finally at the helm of your own ship, so whatever choices you make concerning this issue, must serve your peace of mind and personal orientation. You might decide to take anti-anxiety meds, or anti-depressant drugs such as Celexa or Lexapro that manage anxiety, depression and OCD traits. But again, these only target your symptoms. They don't eradicate the reasons you developed this problem in the first place.
Selective Serotonin Re-uptake Inhibitors ("SSRI's") can alleviate these issues, but may inhibit your libido and ability to achieve orgasm.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or OCD, is just part of a reflexive control issue you may have adopted while shutting-down your emotional awareness. This horribly distressing outcome results from bypassing emotions and instincts to the extent that you've dissociated from vital feelings and senses in your body. This means, you're literally functioning on 'automatic pilot.' To put this metaphorically, when you're asleep at the wheel, your need for a system that can assist you in feeling safer or more secure, is enormously heightened.
As an effective, life-enhancing alternative to options already discussed here, you can end panic, rather than just managing the symptoms of your 'dis-ease.' The right approach mitigates your need for various meds, eliminates panic triggers and enriches every aspect of your existence.
I have retired from one-on-one recovery work but for the first time ever, I'm offering you an effective, affordable way to overcome and heal your anxiety with a comprehensive, 21-day tutorial, which you can navigate at your own pace. All the principles, power-tools and education I offered to my clients for twenty-five years to help them outgrow their panic attacks and anxiety episodes, are now available to you within a tutorial on this website. I hope you will take advantage of this program, and gift yourself the ability to be anxiety-free for the rest of your life.
You'll learn how to identify and respond to your feelings, rather than analyzing 'em in your head or burying them. As you gain enhanced verbal skills and begin letting go of self-defeating thought patterns, your lifestyle and relationships will become healthier and more productive. With the right help, even Agoraphobia can be healed within eight weeks. Regardless of the means you choose to overcome this issue, I sincerely hope you're symptom-free very soon. In the interim, try and remember; if you’re not living fully with all your feelings, anxiety and panic will stop you from fully living.
Post Script: Check the Overcoming Anxiety and Panic Attacks Tutorial available on this site, and see if it seems like it might be a good fit for you!
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