Humans come together for the purpose of need fulfillment. It's the NEED in each of us that drives us to engage with others or advance ourselves professionally, or even, seek pleasure.

It's easy to feel taken advantage of, or used by someone~ and it's natural and normal to feel resentful about it. The question that begs to be asked under these circumstances is, what benefit did YOU derive, during your interplay with someone you see as having USED you?

Was there anything at all, you GAINED during that relationship experience~ even if they only gave you marvelous opportunities to GIVE to them in ways you perhaps hadn't previously recognized you were capable of?

It is said, nobody can abuse you, unless you let them. I think the same holds true for being "used" or taken advantage of~ because we willingly enter those relationship dynamics for conscious OR subconscious reasons of our own, and they always gratify some type of NEED we had at the time.

Every relationship we have, teaches us more about ourselves. Thus, there's no such thing as a "bad relationship," and it surely wasn't a waste of our time! Sometimes those dynamics highlight traits in us we may determine we'd be better off changing, due to them not serving us as well as we've believed they did or should.

My article on Borderlines and Narcissists, "Haven't we met before?" illustrates how these two personality types are intrinsically drawn together. The Narcissist is often a Super-Giver, and the Borderline balances their relationship equation, by being a vessel that cannot be filled, no matter HOW much another gives.

In short, it's a match made in heaven, because for every human who's a GIVER, there MUST be someone who'll willing to accept and TAKE what the other chooses to give.


Bottom line, BOTH parties have needs that are met by the other. Oh yes, it's easy to have felt victimized by someone who took and took, and never gave back~ but how might this help you see this interplay more clearly, and learn more about yourself from it?

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all. I'm hoping today's post will help you begin to heal from a relationship 'wound' you've been wrestling with, assist you in growing a bit more, and (more importantly) help ya get to know yourself even more intimately, than you did a month or year ago.

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  • The party who NEEDS THE LEAST in a relationship dynamic, is always the one in power.