Not everyone's cut out for parenthood (it's a huge, laborious, unending task). Not everyone's wired for monogamy, either.
The trick in life, is getting intimately acquainted with who you are AND who you're not. What you think you can handle, and what you can't, and what kinds of compromises you'll be having to make for either choice.
Humans go into marriage and child-bearing with fantasies~ yet the reality of each situation is so RADICALLY different than we could ever have imagined, we might ultimately risk feeling like a failure at either, or both. (And haven't we all been here in one way or another before??)
What they never tell ya in pamphlets or books, before you make life-altering choices you may deeply regret for many years to come, is that both decisions aren't at all what you think they're gonna turn out to be.
During my years on Social Media platforms, I've tried to give you glimpses into reality that might at first feel disappointing, but are intended and designed to help you LOOK before you LEAP! I've always believed in learning from Other People's Mistakes (OPM), so I wouldn't have to make as many of my OWN~ and it's served me very well.
It's easy to fuck-up your existence, due to being short-sighted or not circumspect enough, before making an impulsive decision just to change your mood, or break-up your sense of monotony in the moment. FAR TOO MANY DO THIS, and end up being bad spouses or parents.
When someone says, "I want a kid" I tell em to adopt a dog first. See how good you are at taking care of another being, having to adhere to a schedule with that animal (even when it's wildly inconvenient for ya), loving it when it's sick and shitting all over your carpet, or barking/crying half the night. If you can be a consistently affectionate, empathic parent to a DOG, and stay responsive to its needs and feelings, you MIGHT have a decent shot at loving a human child.
Dogs can thrive, despite some neglect. A human child cannot. Dogs don't live as long as we, but sometimes a child doesn't either. Either way, it's deep heartbreak if you allow yourself to bond to either, and have to part when they expire.
I believed I was fully capable of loving. My pup, Cleo took my capacity to love much deeper. Dogs can do that for us, if we let em.
If you want a kid, try and grasp the essence of what's involved in that task, first. Adopt and practice with an animal. Apply to Big Sisters or Big Brothers organizations, and become a child's thoughtful, loving friend and mentor. Thousands of children aren't getting enough attention at home, because Their parent didn't self-assess BEFORE conceiving, as to whether she was equipped to love a child properly and well enough~ OR NOT.
It's a huge job, caring for a child. No vacations, and no more independence for you. If you're gonna do parenting right, your life will literally have to revolve around that little being. The life you've known, is no longer your own.
If you're not cut out for monogamy or marriage, that's okay. Have a series of short term relationships, do some quasi-bonding, and when the going gets rough ('cause it always does) move out, and onto someone new. The advantage here, is that you can abandon a relationship~ but unless you have monster genes (or BPD), you can't physically abandon a child when they piss you off.