I can't help wondering how many of you have been a generous, staunchly supportive friend to someone who hasn't reciprocated your many kindnesses. I'm chagrined to admit this, but I've failed to recognize (after decades) the ways a long-term friendship of mine has fallen short of being a two-way street.

I'm a passionate woman. Passion drives my writing and various other talents, as well as how deeply I'm capable of loving and cherishing someone, when I believe they're worthy of it. It's not that I've failed to recognize another's limitations~ it's that I worked hard for many years to build and stockpile my personal bounty, and it's easy to give of myself to others who may benefit from my wisdom and generosity of spirit. 

A longtime friend recently emailed a derogatory comment about Trump, even though we'd mutually agreed that given how diverse our respective political views are these days, political biases had no place in our interplay, as they would surely erode the foundation of our friendship. She carelessly broke this contract, when she felt "compelled" to divulge her disgust about DJT's recent Jewish commentary ("and I'm not even Jewish!" she ranted). 

As usual, my dear friend is fairly smart~ but emotionally naive and limited in her scope of understanding human nature. Having retained a few BPD traits, she takes things people say on face value, doesn't comprehend the bigger picture or deeper meaning behind their words, and paints 'em black with a broad brush that codifies whatever prejudices or biases she already clings to. Sadly, this is just the way poor, undercooked Borderlines are. A childlike mind is never circumspect, nor is it easily changed~ even when sound, rational, unequivocal evidence that contradicts what they fiercely believe, is offered. 

Borderlines have a very fragile sense of Self. At their core, they believe they're not good enough or lovable~ which is why when you've tried to love one, they reject you out of hand ("why would I wanna join a club that would have Me as a member?!"), and you're routinely dropped on your head, just for adoring and thinking highly of 'em! 

When I love and respect you and your abilities, I'll go outta my way to refer others to you. I actually look for opportunities to send you new business. It's just the kinda dame I am, because in my world view, a true friend makes active contributions to another's well-being, emotionally, physically and spiritually (not to be read as religious influence). We do not throw ourselves under the bus with these gifts we impart, as they come organically and naturally, due to our deep well being full to the brim for anyone we care about, who can benefit from a long, cool drink of water! 

But do our friends reciprocate in kind~ and if not, WHY not? Do they not hold us in high regard~ or could it possibly be that they're secretly envious? What quicker way to 'level the playing field' for one who is innately insecure, than to withhold support by not helping a "friend" build their practice or business? 

I'm a big enough person to own my errors. I'd realized in hindsight that my gal pal's "Trump" comment lit a fire under me, I overreacted, and made a mountain (via return emails) out of a molehill. I apologized for my side of this rupture, yet she has not~ and likely won't, for hers. What can I expect from a person who is under-developed emotionally? Not much~ and here's where the rubber meets the road, as they say.  

We've exchanged a few emails since that event occurred, but I believe our oftentimes lengthy phone dialogues are going thru a post-mortem hiatus that I'm pretty sure will be permanent. I'll miss the frequent, lively discourses we shared. I'll miss knowing I had the luxury of hearing a friendly voice (when she wasn't complaining about one thing or another), and yet, I'm learning to live without this intimate connection, because when someone undermines my trust and they have no intention of mending a rupture they've created between us, I cannot continue to keep my emotional door open wide, and love them. It's just how I roll. 

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