I really think you're gonna LOVE this one, people!
Here's what ya gotta know about Borderlines: THEY CAN ONLY TALK THE TALK~ THEY CAN'T WALK IT.You might be unfortunate enough to have inadvertently OR purposely run across something an ex has posted online in the aftermath of your affair, which makes it SEEM like they've finally gotten their shit together. This may cause you a litany of mixed feelings, to say the least!
You'll be compulsively asking yourself: "Are THEY working at getting well, like I am? Are they really making progress with growth and healing? They SOUND like they're in such a good place~ maybe this change is actually REAL, and should I rethink my decision to keep that bond severed FOREVER?" etc.
A lotta things happen when you bump into this stuff posted by your ex, whether you'd intended to OR NOT. For one, Wishful Thinking immediately kicks in! You're not completely OVER him or her yet, so it's easy as pie to believe you can start-up again, and things will be completely different between you, because after all, you are BOTH "growing, healing and changing," right?? Right~ and pigs can fly.
Here's the real dope, boys and girls~ they haven't changed, grown NOR healed. They haven't done the hard work it takes to develop emotionally and heal their primal wounds, so no change has actually occurred.
What IS true, is they've read s'more self-help horseshit, a few concepts they've exposed themselves to have stuck with 'em, and one day, all that good stuff SEEMS to have graced them with a bit of euphoria. It's not what they've done or haven't done. It's usually due to getting a good (but very rare) night's sleep.
At this point, The Borderline believes (due to these somewhat blissful feelings they've got running thru 'em) that they've FINALLY found the previously elusive key to happiness, contentment and well-being~ and in that magical moment or two, they wanna tell the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD about it!
Some think it's their reward or trophy, for having suffered for so long.
Now, here's the deal, my dear little hopeful (and perhaps envious) friends~ this is nothing you can count on! In a day or two, they'll be right back in the hole you left 'em in . . . yet for the Borderline, "These Marvelous Feelings WILL Be Lasting and Permanent THIS TIME!" They're quite certain these powerful sensations will endure indefinitely, which is why they plaster it all over every social media page they've ever had, 'cause this is SURELY cause for celebration (just like the last time they felt it, and the time before that, and the time before that, etc.)!
We call Borderlines 'mercurial' because they're not capable of sustaining emotions~ ANY emotions (including love). Their moods are wildly labile, and often shift on a dime. You never know from one moment to the next, whether they'll be up or down~ and this isn't just true of those with Bipolar Disorder added to their (usually undiagnosed) mix!
We all experience ups and downs. If you have ADD traits, your mood and motivation cycles can fluctuate wildly from one day to the next. The Borderline has always shamed themselves for feeling inert, sad or depressed, so when they have a light, ebullient-feeling day, they're SURE it's gonna last~ "It just HAS to!"
During those few hours or days, they get to reconfigure their identity. They're not the troubled, sad, self-loathing gal or guy they were yesterday. That person is gone, gone, gone forever! They're now empowered, full of guru-like wisdom borrowed from others they're now parroting, and they can't wait to share it with ya, 'cause they truly BELIEVE permanent and lasting change has taken place!
Would that it were true. Poor things have struggled for so very long with themselves, these brief respites from inner pain give them a glimmer of hope that Life can finally be the way they've always dreamed it.
These spells, I like to call 'em, are ephemeral. They pass as quickly as a summer rain storm over Michigan. The primary difference between a BPD woman or man and YOU, is when You're having a light, good, exuberant day, you don't feel the irrepressible need to BROADCAST it~ as if doing so, miraculously gives you assurances that THIS time it's gonna last~ and you're better than ever!
Just know, that within a few days, their grandiose hot-air balloon is gonna be making its descent~ but you won't be reading or hearing about it. EVER.