BLACKMAILED INTO FATHERHOOD;
Borderline women, and men who love them.
BY SHARI SCHREIBER, M.A.
This article is for survivors of a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them. It is not intended for anyone with BPD traits! If you suspect you have borderline personality features, what follows could feel injurious to you! Please leave this site immediately and seek alternative web content that may be more congruent with your personal views and needs.
The phone call with news that you're going to be a father has come and in an instant, it feels like the bottom of your world has dropped out. As anxiety overtakes you, you begin thinking about how you're going to extract yourself from this mess with a gal you've had a one-night-stand with, or have been dating for awhile. Whatever the circumstances surrounding this unplanned pregnancy are, you will be paying for 18 years of child support, whether you marry that woman or not--and no court of law will let you off this hook.
First, lets be perfectly clear: You are not the "father" of this unborn child! You are merely a sperm donor if it's proven by a DNA test one day, your ejaculate has sired a kid! If the gal who's coming after you for child support months or years later can find ya, you're in trouble~ 'cause it's gonna be costly to you financially and emotionally, in all likelihood.
I often wonder what our society would be like, if men could get pregnant. Would they be suing their former girlfriends or lovers for 'maternity?' And how might women feel about being on the financial hook for eighteen years or so, providing for children they never wanted in the first place? I’m curious about how a female would handle being tied for virtually the rest of her life, to a guy she had a one-night fling with, just because he'd conceived a child with her. Sadly, this happens to males all the time--in fact, the frequency of this kind of injustice is staggering. It’s disheartening to think that women intentionally entrap men with pregnancy--and in this woman’s opinion, it’s a form of blackmail, and there ought to be laws prohibiting it!
The primary aim of this article is to caution males about dangerous women and entrapment by conception--but that's just the tip of this iceberg. Much of this material speaks to the terrible emotional torment that goes hand-in-hand with these affairs, so that men can make sense of their most troubling and painful relationship experiences. Whether you're single or married, if you are involved with a woman who's brought chaos and destruction into your life but you just can't seem to let her go, this piece holds vital information for you!
Women who ‘entrap’ are typically bright, attractive/alluring, highly seductive and charismatic--but their moods are mercurial, and behavior patterns are extremely unstable. These relationships are characterized by an ongoing series of breakups or periods of distancing, and reunions. Wildly alternating relational dynamics (come here/go away) can feel confusing and emotionally injurious, leaving you with the sense that they either love you or hate you! Within the same day or hour their perceptions of you can shift dramatically~ and you'll be feeling adored/idealized or devalued/criticized/rejected. These behaviors and traits are consistent with Borderline Personality Disorder, but hold on, there's more:
Borderlines are narcissistic--but you'll also observe other issues, such as; desperate attempts to gain attention, intense/irrational abandonment fears, lack of empathy, extreme jealousy, lying, poor impulse control, extramarital affairs, drug/alcohol abuse, hyper-sexuality, 'crazy-making' interactions, low self-esteem, rebound relationships, passive-aggression, cognitive distortion, self-harming behaviors, eating disorders, panic/anxiety problems, OCD traits, suicidal ideation, pervasive neediness/clinginess, emotional volatility, stalking, etc.
This next section on forced paternity holds crucial information for all males, but if this isn't your immediate concern, scroll down and familiarize yourself with a variety of BPD difficulties that were shared by men who've struggled just as you have, and recovered. If your affair has abruptly ended and you're hurting, read this article first; AT ANY COST: Saving your Life after Loving a Borderline. It'll help you gain some much needed perspective about this agony you're in, and help you find your way back to feeling sane again.
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