Rather than cluttering up my BPD forums with bitchings from Borderlines, I've decided to 'quarantine' their virulent rants here, instead. Everyone should have a right to express their views, and while I'm not gonna publish all the hate mail that comes my way, you can get a sense of the Borderline's unresolved rage within these entries.
Q. Hello, I am a borderline. The way you talk about people with BPD is ridiculously uneducated and offensive. You say I can't maintain a relationship; why have I been in a STEADY relationship for 4 years then? I don't feel remorse? I can't even kill a fly without feeling bad. You call me a toddler in an adult's body. You're telling people that we are good for nothing but hurting them~ even the way you refer to us suffering with borderline personality disorder. The tone in your writing is literally dripping hatred for borderlines. Please think twice next time you want to make an article about borderlines and think how hurtful it is. You write based on your opinion and treat it as a fact. We are not as bad as you make us seem.
A. I've treated Borderlines (and their partners) who've been married for 20 - 30 years, but a "steady" relationship doesn't mean a harmonious or healthy one. I'm pretty sure you'll relate more to my BPD Waif piece, and learn more about my work with the people you assume I "hate" here~ but over all, I think you should look to other web sources that don't require you to look at yourself. I must now attend to all this annoying violin music that's playing in the background.
Q. You're a sad, ugly cunt. i would honestly rather have sex with a dead, rotting pig than ever think about touching your old, decrepit, overused, vagina. you are a cunt. the only way you will ever help people even the slightest is by ridding yourself off this earth. And where's your PhD? not ambitious enough to get yourself a real education? or is your cunt brain not smart enough. you are an ant, a worthless ant. Oh, by the way, my friend just attempted suicide because of reading your shittily put together article on BPD. You only hurt, not help. good job, bravo dumbshit.
A. I didn't reply to this guy's (poorly constructed) note, because what's the point?? I've posted his unedited vitriolic diatribe to this forum, as a stellar example of one rageful, BPD male who's apparently got a lot of unfinished business with his mommy (he's misogynistic). Notice the sexual references right up front in his rageful attack on me (and how'd my vagina get mixed up in this?!), and then he invalidates my expertise. Sounds like both he and his "friend" need serious help. Just another day in Paradise, my dears. ;~) LOL
Q. I am a female with BPD and got knocked up by a guy who decided to walk the fuck out. Getting married was his idea. Getting pregnant was his idea. Leaving me alone with no one to help pay for this kid? His idea. I am angered by your asinine agenda, making men feel they've been victimized by being indiscriminate in where they drop their loads. Oh, you agreed to not wear a condom? Good for you! Can't find my husband. He's disappeared. Thanks for loading the internet with crap designed to make me feel bad about my disorder, and that I've done something wrong. Way to blame-shift. Fuck you.
A. Awwwwww, poor You. Perhaps this life experience will help you begin to grow up, and start thinking for yourself. In the meantime, think about how you've treated that 'guy' you were with, and what might have made him feel a need to "walk the fuck out," leaving his partner and a child behind.
Q. i read your article on male borderlines...having been involved with a female borderline i was curious to see if i fit the bill for male borderlines...your symptoms are so generalized that they fit 99 percent of the modern male living in this age of anomie...i decided i was a borderline...as was abe lincoln, albert einstein, doctor drew and thomas jefferson...your article is what is classically wrong with all self help books...they are one paragraph extended to 150 pages of repetition for the publisher...to quote tony montana in scarface "say goodbye to the borderline". (Printed as received. Full name given--but withheld here, for the sake of anonymity.)
A. Hmm, it appears my very "generalized" material has really struck a nerve with you. The standard narcissistic denial/defense is to try and globalize issues; "oh well, everyone's like that" but they're not. Maybe I'll let you know when the book comes out. ;~)
Q. I've read several of your articles, and as an educated person with BPD let me just say that your inaccuracy and tendency to generalize sickens me. I would expect a woman who claims to be a professional to be accurate in her information and not exploit the ignorance of others. Or is it simply your ignorance? Before you promote stigma, at least have some facts, honey. Oh, and after a breakup I don't dissociate, bitch. I feel pain unlike any that someone with your lack of empathy could ever feel.
A. Hmmm, "honey" and "bitch" penned by the same girl. Why not do us both a service if my writings disturb you dear, and take your 'educated' self someplace else.
Q. Many thanks for the negative description. You burn me up! Do you have anything good to say about a borderliner? Everything, but everything on this site will make people think we are monsters and to keep away from us. You are one of those people that creates the utterly negative picture people have of Borderliners that makes everyone want to RUN!!!!!!!!!
A. First, there is no such word as "Borderliner." If you object to being identified as a dangerous, dysfunctional person, I strongly suggest you seek professional assistance to help you Heal, and learn how to stop inflicting your emotional and psychic pain on others.
Q. Dear Shari, you are not even a doctor of psychiatry and I am sure that with your views on mental illness, The American Board of Psychiatry and Neurology would never certify you. How dare you add to the stigma already surrounding people diagnosed with BPD! You are not helping their suffering. I read your articles and they prove that you are ignorant and uneducated. You have no compassion and I am sure you are out to take advantage of your clients just to make a buck. I pity those who have come in contact with you looking for help. You are a problem not a solution. You call yourself an educator but from reading your website you don't seem to be educated in what borderline disorder actually is, and how it effects the lives of people who unfortunately have to live with it. Since borderline personality disorder isn't a well known mental illness, your website can do much damage because the population is not well-educated about the disorder and can take what you are saying to heart. You should be ashamed of yourself, take your website down and stop your practice immediately. I'm sure I'm not the only person to write you about how horrifying your teachings are. Please be a better person.
A. Ironically enough, about a third of my clients are licensed clinical psychologists and post doctoral candidates, and many have borderline traits. Psychiatrists, other MD's and attorneys often refer their patients/clients to my site (which you may have noticed--if you'd read my BPD forums and testimonials page). Given that psychotherapeutic professionals value my work, your opinions are of no consequence to me. Feel free to frequent other sites on the Internet, that are more to your taste. BPD is not a "mental illness," it's an emotional disturbance that takes hold during infancy and early childhood. Future emails from you will be deleted/unopened, but I (quite literally) wish you Well.
Q. I discovered your articles on the web and was completely absorbed in your theories initially, however some of this is either deliberate fabrication on your part or perhaps a well intended, but misinformed attitude with regard to Borderlines. I'm about as self-aware and introspective as an individual can be after years and years of therapy--and know myself quite well. You mentioned guilt, and that "Borderlines feel none". I suffered agonizing guilt for nearly a lifetime and 4 attempted suicides (being nearly successful the last time), due to self-loathing and horrendous guilt over EVERYTHING. (My husband was fond of saying, "She feels she's responsible for everything--including the war.") I will be 70 years old on July 4, and am for the most part, stabilized. I wasn't just offended and shocked--I was furious as I read. You have an obvious hatred for Borderlines. Did you ever consider that people are all wired differently--even us Borderlines? I have tremendous love for others and am capable of empathy--often to the point of placing their needs ahead of my own. The gals in my group of friends know me as compassionate and full of fun, though often fragile. (If I was so hard to tolerate I'd hardly have managed to keep these friends who've known me since 1st grade.) You've pigeon-holed all Borderline people as though we're THE SAME and I find it appalling. I have little sense of self, and rarely any self-confidence whatsoever. Your article saddened and disturbed me. You're spreading falsehoods and creating distrust as if we are "monsters" when in fact, you're WRONG. You have no compassion for people who are knocking themselves out to be "normal." Borderlines ARE HUMAN BEINGS with beating hearts and an irrational fear of rejection. My life, for the most part, has been a living hell and my family suffered along with me--but the difference is, they can walk away and close the door. I'm "in here" and stuck with my illness.
A. Hmmm, I'm seeing an awful lot of confirmation and contradiction here. I'm pretty certain you're confusing "guilt" with core shame. You can read more about THAT, here! You are most certainly entitled to your feelings and opinions--and if MINE ever change, I'll be writing about that, instead. Given that you're a Borderline, I'd fully expect that my articles would ruffle your feathers. It's tough looking into that mirror, I'm sure--and yes, there are varying degrees of pathology among borderline disordered people, and I've worked with more than my fair share of them. But the question that begs to be asked here, is this: If you've actually gotten WELL with all that therapy, why would this material be upsetting you, to the extent it apparently has? (This is a rhetorical question, of course--I will not be reading/responding to future emails from you.) I do want to congratulate you on making it to 70. I think that in itself, is a victory. This article may interest you, if you haven't yet bothered to read beyond whatever piece you've alluded to, and it seems you have some entrenched Waif features. Other than that, you are welcome to visit other sites on the Internet that take a more sympathetic view of this disorder, and the carnage Borderlines leave in their wake. Mine are geared toward helping folks survive these relationships, and gain a 'sense of Self.'
Q. Shari, I highly disagree with your notions that women who get pregnant and keep a baby without the father's consent, all have Borderline Personality Disorder. I dated a guy for a year and he told me many lies, including "I love you, lets have a baby, I want to have sex with you without a condom." after I finally complied, I got pregnant--and a few months later he left, and then got a lawyer to wage war against me, because he decided to go back to his ex-gf and didn't want to pay me child support. I have done nothing wrong except trust him. There are many women who are similarly treated and manipulated this way, and many men who shirk responsibility on a sexual whim. I presume you must at least be aware of this fact. Your bold, black and white insulting comments sound ignorant, judgemental and misogynistic. By publicizing these types of comments, you are allowing and enabling men to think its okay to get away with this behavior. You're not relieving this syndrome, you are perpetuating it. The fact remains pretty simple: Everyone is responsible for their own lives; if you are a man and you don't want to have a child or pay support then wear a condom and take precautions if you have sex. Knowing the laws on this, men still disregard then raise a stink, because they don't want to be responsible for their actions, and THAT is criminal. The laws are there for the best interest of the child. No matter what the circumstance, the child SHOULD have support from both parents. You seem like a fairly intelligent lady. STOP BEING SO SHORT SIGHTED.
A. My article contains a disclaimer, which clearly addresses your concern about "all women" and unwed pregnancy--but you've apparently skipped that paragraph. You are absolutely right; "everyone is responsible for their own lives," so what do you think got in the way of setting healthy boundaries for yourself, and saying; "no glove, no love"--or at the very least, getting some reliable birth control?? If you had a daughter from this union, what advice would you give her on the subject of contraception? If you have a son, how will you feel about a female undermining him like this? Grow up, dear.
Q. I read your response, and again, I reiterate that you are enabling and perpetuating this syndrome. You really expect me, or my hypothetical daughter never to trust ANY man? You are an old lady--I suggest YOU grow up. You are saying that women are the only ones who should be held responsible for this situation, and for a woman to say that is extremely disturbing and I have no doubt you have some serious mental disturbances of your own. It's just a shame you choose to publicize your twisted views. I just hope that people are realistic enough to see how ludicrous your views are. By the way, I do not consent to any of my emails being posted publicly, and I request that you take down the first email.
A. What, and deprive my other visitors of this? Surely you jest. (This girl's derisive emails haven't stopped coming to my inbox. They're full of name calling, projections and devaluations. These behaviors, plus cyber-stalking are typical borderline traits. She's been advised that all future emails will be deleted, unopened.)
Q. I've read your article on Borderline men, and I take great exception to your statement near the end, where you state that if a guy gives a woman his phone number without asking for hers, he's afraid of rejection, insecure or not interested. I'm a male in my 60's now, and have done this virtually all my life without consequence. I think it's wrong of you to generalize about such things, and make these bold statements that aren't based in fact.
A. You are welcome to your opinions about my material, and yourself. Have you been married during the course of all these years? I have no judgment on this either way--but if you haven't, the reasons might be congruent with this paradigm. As a younger woman, I spent significant time in the company of males. They were my closest friends, and I learned a lot about how men think and behave. Based on this personal research--and the likelihood that I've dated considerably more men than you, I'm gonna defer to my take on this--but feel free to prove me wrong.
Q. Dear Shari, I've read your piece on helping men with their relationships with women who have borderline personality disorder, and I'm disgusted with the language and misogyny in this article! As a healing professional, you should know better, than to vilify BPD people by frightening emotionally immature and ill-equipped men into seeking your counsel to assist with their own ineptitude in managing adult relationships. Being borderline is no fun at all! No one in their right mind would choose BPD as a lifestyle option! It's just utterly ludicrous that one with BPD could bring such chaos into the life of another human being, without their complicit consent to these actions. If these men you're helping can't walk away from what you call, "a destructive relationship," then I think it's not the Borderline who has the bigger problem, but your very frightened male clients. As you state in your article, fellows jump in to these relationships because they are seduced by alluring, sexy, intelligent women. My goodness--what an almighty cop-out you've provided these emotional cripples, who seemingly need you to assist them in building strategies to 'cope' with women in their lives who are supposedly so 'controlling.' You've got to be kidding! The real threat here is men's inability to think outside their shorts, and value women's inherent qualities--rather than objectifying them for their sexual, sensual allure. And since when did being an intelligent, funny, articulate, sexy and alluring woman become # 1 on the male misogyny hit list? Oh no Ms. Shari, I think you are very mistaken in your views, and sincerely hope that others will see your prejudice and bias, which is obvious. You write for the literacy of teenagers, because many who are attracted to your views are simply grown men who continue to avoid adulthood. Let me be more explicit: These men you dearly champion, are adolescents in adult bodies--that is all. You might instead use your talents and abilities (open to debate) for assisting people with borderline personality, rather than vilifying them. I'm bringing your site to the attention of the NHMRC, stigma watch. Regards, BPD
A. Bring it on. I have in fact, worked with Borderlines and helped them heal; these women and men were deeply committed to becoming healthy and whole, rather than clinging to their victim identity.
Q. My boyfriend just sent me your article on Borderlines, and I'm shocked by your insensitivity and lack of professionalism! This is a very serious disorder, and if you'd done any worthwhile research on this topic (which you obviously haven't), you'd understand how difficult it is to live with. Your article's garbage diagnosis makes borderline women sound like monsters! Do you have any idea how harmful and destructive this is to someone who actually suffers with it? I think you're being incredibly irresponsible, when you give men ammunition to shirk their responsibilities for an unwanted pregnancy, by assuming that their partners are borderline disordered. With so much information on the web about BPD, I'd think you would educate yourself before publishing such trash!
A. No comment.