IF LOOKS COULD KILL
Anatomy of a Borderline
BY SHARI SCHREIBER, M.A.
This article is for survivors of a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them. It is not intended for anyone with BPD traits! If you suspect you have borderline personality features, what follows could feel injurious to you! Please leave this site immediately and seek alternative web content that may be more congruent with your personal views and needs.
There was once a little girl who had a little curl, right in the middle of her forehead. When she was good, she was very, very good--but when she was bad, she was horrid.
My other articles on Borderline Personality Disorder speak to elements in the Borderline that seduce you and keep you enraptured, despite their push-pull emotional gymnastics, disruptive come here/go away cycles, and confusing, crazy-making behaviors. This piece exposes the volatile, frightening dark side of this individual who has gotten you under their spell and won't let you go, but also uncovers the root cause of borderline personality disorder issues. There's a comprehensive list of BPD traits toward the bottom of this piece, which can help you determine if you're involved with someone who has these issues, or it may serve as a self-diagnostic tool.
While many BPD people have killer looks, not all Borderlines are beautiful or handsome--but that doesn't make them any less seductive or diabolical. It's much easier for a great looking man or woman to find continuous streams of narcissistic supply via adulation and romantic pursuit from others, and until this ego fuel isn't obtainable, they won't consider therapy. Why should they? Humans don't change, until what they've been doing doesn't work for them anymore--or they're in enough pain, to re-direct their energies and efforts toward seeking the help they need to get truly Well.
I'm often asked if borderline disordered individuals can commit murder. The answer is yes, depending on how deep their pathology runs. They're capable of acting-out unresolved anger (from childhood) by inflicting physical harm to anyone who's close--which can include their child or partner. They are lacking in empathy and impulse control, which allows these violent acts to occur, and our prison system houses many Borderlines who've killed during a fit of rage~ we often hear these incidents referred to as "crimes of passion."
In the midst of mending from these intoxicating but dangerous relationships, hundreds of men have described a terrifying "demonic" influence that appears to inhabit their beloved when she's confronted with her lying, manipulations and betrayals--or some sort of (minor) infraction on their part, has catalyzed the most horrifying change in her facial expression. Many have reported; "it's like sparks flew out of her eyes," or "there's such a cold and hideous mask" that showed up, they couldn't recognize the woman they've loved so deeply. If looks could kill, they believe they'd be dead after one of these episodes!
A female client recently expressed that her (male) borderline friend "looked like the Devil himself," during vitriolic rages where his terrible verbal abuses were spat at her, like molten lava spewing from a suddenly active volcano. Other times, she says his demeanor was very peaceful and "cherubic"--a man you'd never suspect, was capable of such volatility. But how does this facet of "pure evil" manifest in somebody we've felt so close and loving with, just minutes or hours earlier? Would they recognize themselves, if we held up a mirror when this vile darkness descends on them? Might they see the distorted face of their rageful/punitive parent, instead of their own? Could it be that's what you have seen in them??
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