OBSESSED WITH A BORDERLINE
A Matter of Attraction and Revulsion
BY SHARI SCHREIBER, M.A.
This article is for survivors of a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them. It is not intended for anyone with BPD traits! If you suspect you have borderline personality features, what follows could feel injurious to you! Please leave this site immediately and seek alternative web content that may be more congruent with your personal views and needs.
Whether you're presently involved with a borderline disordered individual or you've finally stepped away from one, you've been struggling with the confusion of wanting someone who has caused you great harm. I understand how crazy and ashamed of yourself this can make you feel, but just know that thousands of people are wrestling with these same feelings you are. It seems that regardless of what your ex has put you through, you just can't get them out of your head or move completely beyond the longing you still feel for him or her, which triggers fantasies about winning them back! Don't worry, you're not going nuts~ you're just hurting, and needing this agony to stop! The rest of this piece will help you a lot with that.
You may be obsessing about what he or she is feeling or doing, who they're dating/sleeping with, and wondering if they're thinking at all about you. Are ya feeling like you've ceased to exist? This happens for millions of people in the aftermath of this type of relationship, so try and go easier on yourself, will ya?
Your feelings of shame and emptiness for thinking you may have caused this rupture, are at times so unbearable, that it's easier to divert your attention to him/her and imagine what's going on with them, rather than sitting with these excruciating sensations you've gotta feel inside You. What's happening is, you're busy trying to live inside their life instead of yours~ and as much as you need them to return and ease this awful pain you're experiencing right now, there's a part of you that could be fearing it as well.
THE UGLY TRUTH BEHIND YOUR OBSESSION
It might be hard for you to accept this, but you're not actually obsessing about your former lover, and the pleasurable moments you remember about that relationship, like the way he/she kissed, fucked or loved you~ you're actually obsessing about you, and what you might have said or done differently or better, to have avoided this excruciating outcome! You're so hyper-focused on blaming you for this romance ending, there's no spare room in your head to think about anything else!
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