Clearing the Fallout from a Borderline Break-up
BY SHARI SCHREIBER, M.A.
This article is for survivors of a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them. It is not intended for anyone with BPD traits! If you suspect you have borderline personality features, what follows could feel injurious to you! Please leave this site immediately and seek alternative web content that may be more congruent with your personal views and needs.
When you've been dumped by a Borderline, it's a lot like coming down with a deadly, exotic disease from a foreign land--you're not certain you're going to survive it. A part of you may want to die because you're in such tremendous discomfort, the thought of even one more day in this agony, seems beyond anything you can endure.
It's difficult to imagine what it means to survive a Blitz by Borderline, unless you've been there. You might as well try to describe the worst pain you've ever felt to a friend, and expect him or her to relate. Forget about it. Nobody can empathize with what you're going through right now, unless the same damned thing has happened to them! As you read this article, you may be comforted to learn you're not alone in your anguish~ in fact millions of people worldwide, have experienced this kind of heartache, and with the right information to ease your terrible confusion about why you're hurting so much, it's definitely survivable!
It hurts when even your family members and friends haven't got a clue about the pain and torment you're feeling. They have zero frame of reference for this sort of personal trauma, so the simple solutions they offer like, "just get over it" or "leave him/her, and find someone new" don't feel the least bit helpful to you, even though a part of you is wishing it was that easy! The fact is, these well-meaning suggestions can make you feel irritated, angry or even more ashamed, sad or overwhelmed than you currently do!
I hate stating this, but borderline disordered individual is like a computer virus that starts out as benign or innocuous, and then wreaks havoc with your entire system. Internet worms can show up in a harmless email, but as soon as you open it, you're infected. This malicious virus screws with your PC's functions and programs, to where you can barely navigate--and ultimately crashes your hard drive. This is literally what it feels like to your mind, body and spirit when you've had exposure to a Borderline's toxicity for any length of time~ you literally risk a system meltdown. This seems like your computer's "blue screen" you may have heard there's no coming back from.
Men and women have contemplated suicide in the midst of this pain. I feel for ya, but absolutely nobody is worth killing yourself over, so hang-in there. I promise, even though it doesn't feel like it right now, you can recover from this pain you're in, and move on.
First, it's vital or you to understand that a break-up of this kind goes far beyond missing the Borderline, and the good times you've shared. It's excruciating, because toxic shame from childhood abandonment and abuse is being stirred up inside you right now. It's as if this person has ripped the scabs off old ego injuries from childhood or adolescence that you've worked really hard to surmount. You've been pretty successful at making all that early pain "not matter" and putting it behind you up 'til now, which triggers shameful feelings and recrimination about how you could have allowed yourself to get into this position in the first place!
The sad truth is, life is a huge learning curve, and not one of us can know what we don't know yet~ which is why you may have always heard, "hindsight's 20/20." Therefore, this is your opportunity to learn about Borderline Personality Disorder while gaining invaluable insights into you, that are specifically designed to help you heal and grow.
Many have told me they "just wanna return to the good life they had" before they met their Borderline. Whether you've been involved in an extra-marital affair, or you just craved more excitement in your life prior to this association~ if your existence had actually felt rich and fulfilling before you met this person, you would not have been tempted to put it at risk with someone you hadn't taken the time to get to really know, before jumping-in head first!
You had unmet needs around the time you met this captivating individual (whether you recognized 'em or not), and he or she seemed like a good solution for correcting that. Maybe your existence felt like it was going very well, but it seemed as though something (like passion) was missing. My point is, this guy or gal looked like a perfect fit at the right moment for you~ so stop beating-up on yourself for this choice!
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