THE GIFT OF THE BORDERLINE
Going on Feeling & Getting to Healing.
BY SHARI SCHREIBER, M.A.
This article is for survivors of a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them. It is not intended for anyone with BPD traits! If you suspect you have borderline personality features, what follows could feel injurious to you! Please leave this site immediately and seek alternative web content that may be more congruent with your personal views and needs.
If you've found your way to this article, you're probably in a whole lot of pain because of a borderline disordered individual. Maybe a few of my other pieces on this topic helped you make sense of some of your experiences with a Borderline, but if that relationship has ended, you could be left with painful yearning, deep regret and shame. It is these aspects that we're needing to heal, because it's not enough that your mind tells you he or she is toxic--these injured parts of you are remembering, and holding this hurt on a cellular level in your body.
Every emotional/psychic injury you have ever incurred is remembered and stored in your body's cells, which is why unresolved trauma eventually manifests as physical pain or disease (dis-ease). The body, mind and spirit are inseparable--and if you don't believe me, think about the depression you felt last time you had a serious physical setback that limited your normal, daily activities.
Someone who has a genuinely healthy, confident sense of Self does not get mixed up with a Borderline. Anyone who does, has unresolved core pain and shame left over from childhood, that is nearly identical in nature, with a BPD lover. The Borderline reactivates early wounding to your sense of lovability and worth, and no matter how well you try to love them, you unwittingly do the same to them. The Borderline's pain not your fault, and their wounding has nothing to do with You~ but their reactivity in reference to it, is why you've landed here.
I hate to say it, but a sense, this traumatic event you're struggling with is a wake-up call. We might think of a "soulmate" as someone we're supposed to sail off into the sunset with and live happily ever after, but in my view, this is seldom inaccurate. I think of a soulmate as someone who forces growth and healing in us we might not have gotten around to, had they not entered our life. My opinion, is it's the Borderline's job to bring your unresolved childhood pain to the surface so it can finally be purged and healed, and you can make far healthier choices.
It's unfortunate, that no amount of written material in the world, can resolve or mend the awful injuries a Borderline leaves in his/her wake. Your lifelong self-reliance works against you in this case, by making it difficult to trust a (hopefully competent) professional to help you move past this trauma. My other articles dismantle the tormenting confusion that's a factor in these relationships. This one helps you comprehend the precise nature of your pain, so you can choose whether or not you want to hang onto it. Call it an informed choice, if you will.
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