If you've been reading me for awhile, listening to my videos or just jammin on my FB posts, you've likely developed a level of trust in me, even if we've never spoken. The core of this 'trust' comes from observing consistency in another.
Trust cannot be established with one who is inconsistent. The sheer act of unpredictability in a personality makes us feel a bit unsafe, on edge or guarded with 'em. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who interpret another’s unpredictability and the uneasiness it engenders in them, as alluring or compelling. Sensing a little danger ahead triggers our adrenal glands to secrete adrenaline into our body. This is our autonomic nervous system’s ‘fight or flight’ response to threat of any kind, which is too often mistaken for ‘excitement.’
Over these past decades I've been in the public eye, you might notice you've gotten very consistent messages from me. You've come to know me thru my writings, postings and videos. They all remain congruent, because I don't contradict myself. When one simply keeps telling their truth, contradiction never enters the picture. I don't offer you information, concepts or ideas that lack congruency with what you’ve previously taken-in from me. There's an acute cohesiveness to what you’ve been absorbing all along.
Cohesiveness and consistency are what help us build TRUST in another. We begin to rely on the fact they really ARE who they initially SEEM to be. Over and over, our perceptions of them are tested, and if you read something I wrote 20 years ago, you'll notice I'm saying the same exact thing to you, today. Oh, I might use slightly different words to convey a thought or concept, but there's absolute congruence you experience from one year or decade to the next, and I challenge anyone to refute this.
You will never experience this consistency and congruency over a significant span of time with most we might think of as "gurus." We've seen how many therapists, coaches and so-called healers can talk the talk, but can't walk it. Many seem flighty, more Ego than heart centered, and while they expertly mimic or parrot what they've picked up along the way from others they might envy, ya just can't wrap your arms around feeling their sincerity, their consistency or congruency from one day to the next.
Lots of Gurus are charlatans. They're out to seduce you into thinking they're the "Magic Bullet" that's finally gonna resolve your anguish. They're often Borderline Personality Disordered, which is WHY you're unable to experience ongoing, tangible congruency in their message to you, any more than when you tried to navigate a romantic relationship with one of these folks.
If a subtle little feeling inside your body says, “this feels exciting, but a bit dangerous,” that’s your instincts speaking to you. They’re warning you there’s an emotional train wreck waiting for you up ahead. So, if you’re wanting to give your hard-earned money to one of these people to “fix” what’s broken in you, think again.
What’s this individual’s track record, with you? Have they consistently made sense to you, like very few others have? Are you finding congruency in what they convey, month after month and year after year? If not, you’re probably desperately seeking someone who can “repair” what you, yourself, can be taught how to repair in yourself. In short, there’s a lotta wishful thinking involved in this decision, and it can happen with each new “therapist” you try, or every New Lover you assume you’re gonna sail happily off into the sunset with.
Trust, love, respect and admiration all take considerable time (sometimes years) to develop and establish with another. They have to be earned, because you must be able to gradually grow these feelings inside for someone you think could come to matter a lot to you.
There are no shortcuts to loving and trusting another human being, IF you wanna be successful at it. If you’re not interested in investing the time you’ll need to grow in love and trust with another, get yourself a dog or cat. In My experience, they’re far easier to trust than most humans.