Super-givers are narcissistic. They're truly in a world of their own making. Everyone in their life must submit to their control, as they always have a "better way" of doing things.
Super-givers regard all others as 'less-than' they, and love being in the one-up position and relied upon for guidance, rescuing, fixing, teaching, training, etc. The Super-giver's only sense of identity is tied to "helping" others, yet they can never attract reciprocal relationships, due to the fact they don't feel worthy or deserving of receiving: Kind gestures, gifts, compliments, favors, and essentially any action which constitutes generosity of spirit on another's part.
To the Super-giver, the opposite of Giving, is Taking~ which seems to them, unfathomably "selfish." The root cause of their Disease to Please, is poor self-worth, directly due to deficits in adequate nurturant care as infants, and throughout childhood.
The Super-giver deeply believes that if he can make others happy or well, he will be rewarded with positive acknowledgment and love. He never enters a relationship either platonic, professional or romantic, with the desire for a balanced sense of give and take. Reciprocal attachments therefore, are NEVER sought after nor accepted, if or when they might present themselves.
The Super-giver grows up comforting himself when he's feeling down, by searching for others who have life much worse than he. In this way, he can mentally minimize his own pain by contrasting it to another's, which engenders shame in him for having mustered even the slightest bit of compassion for himself.
Super-givers are devoid of the most essential human emotion there is, which is Empathy. They routinely confuse sympathy with empathy~ but the two emotions by definition, are VERY different.
Sympathy is the ability to feel sorry for another less fortunate than we. Empathy is the capacity to identify with and RELATE to another's inner experiences, perspectives and pain.
Super-givers dissociated (disconnected) from their pain as very young children, in effort to survive emotional setbacks and challenges they encountered at home. Given nobody was responsive to this child's needs, he became determined to GIVE to others, what was impossible for him to RECEIVE. From this, he derived a degree of vicarious satisfaction~ and quickly determined it was a "good thing," because it gave him temporary relief from his inner emptiness and anguish~ and helped him construct a slightly more positive self-view.
Super-givers always take for granted what they give. It never even registers for them, how much they've given others. Their unending compulsion to engage in this type of activity, has literally turned into an addictive impulse, for their 'payoff' is getting to feel better about themselves. In short, it's fuel for the ego.
Super-givers never (God forbid) anticipate nor expect anything back for their compulsive giving. Many will actually state this to you! Getting to reaffirm for themselves that they're a "good person," is reward enough.
The problem with over-giving, is that these people literally invite disrespect and abuse. They might occasionally complain that others try to take advantage of them, but they've welcomed this type of individual into their life AND nurtured this reflex in them.
I can be a very kind, generous and giving woman, but I never invite relationships (of any kind) that lack the capacity for reciprocation. Why, you ask?? Because my darlings, even in nature, there must exist BALANCE.
The tide of the ocean goes out to sea~ but it MUST return to shore bringing sand that it deposits, or nowhere in the world, would we have any BEACHES! Super-givers attract and are attracted to, Super-takers, because if one can ONLY be comfortable giving, he must locate people who are ONLY interested in taking from him.
My book, DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED? was published 3 years ago. It was written for psychotherapists, as a primer on the most pernicious and often incurable addiction in the world, called Codependency.
A lotta people buy this book with expectations that it's a self-help body of literature that's gonna fix their compulsion to deny their own needs, in favor of taking much better care of everyone else's. That's why they got into the psychotherapeutic field in the first place.
My book will not have you feeling better, as you read thru the tiny little chapters. It WILL have you FEELING emotions you've stuffed for decades, which has disabled your instincts and intuition, so you keep making personal and professional choices that not only don't SERVE you~ they undermine the very fabric of your capacity to welcome and receive success, love and joy in your life (you know, that ongoing condition ya like to keep bitching about?).
Have you ever asked yourself, "if it gives me so much pleasure and satisfaction to give, why in the world would I want to deprive another of that same enjoyable experience?" The truth is, this perspective has never occurred to you, because you live in a world of your own (narcissistic) making, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
If the above post resonates for you, know that you were not BORN a Super-giver. This aspect was cultivated in you from your earliest months of life, onward. You might say, it's due to your incapacity as a baby, to receive what you needed, to grow up feeling deserving and worthy of someone truly loving you.
Go check out the book. The link to Amazon is on my site's homepage.
I can guarantee you one thing for certain~ you will never read another piece of literature anything like this, and you might just figure out where to point yourself, to get the help you've needed, lifelong.