Like is attracted to like. Core damaged souls are drawn to others with the same impairments.
Truly empowered people seek the company of others who are LIKE them. They're not attracted to people who need fixing or assisting. They're most comfortable among their own kind, because they've worked hard to become personally successful, in every sense of the word.
Feeling NEEDED by close others feels burdensome and repellent to these individuals, though they could be generous in the sense of donating money or various other resources to worthy causes or charities.
If you find yourself needing to be with needy friends or lovers, it's a sure-fire sign you're battling some insecurities, and have self-worth issues. Giving your attention to fixing or changing other people is a compensatory strategy that helps you BELIEVE you are powerful and strong, when just the opposite is true.
Whom we choose to love is a reflection of who we ARE. Damage seeks damage, and strength seeks strength. I surmounted my own challenges with Codependency many years ago. I'm a very joyful, generous soul, but I've worked hard to get here.
I wrote a book nearly 3 years ago, about my codependent leanings, and precisely what cultivated that proclivity in me. It was a tough mirror to peer into when I'd finally asked myself: "What am I getting out of having friends who NEED me?"
As I state in my book, "DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?" I didn't start to come out of the ether until I myself, finally had a need~ and my friends weren't just unresponsive to it, they RESENTED me for it, and scattered. After all, my having a need wasn't in the unspoken contract we'd agreed to at the start of our dance! This sad event in my life woke me the fuck up, so I could find the motivation I needed, to change myself.
Did I have to look at and acknowledge the REAL reason I gravitated to emotionally needy friends? I sure as hell did, and it made me nauseas. This feeling however, is what forced me to shift my paradigm, and make an out-loud declaration to The Universe, that from that point forward, I would ONLY be open to accepting balanced, RECIPROCAL friendships!
The interesting thing is, if I started to backslide having met someone who was struggling a bit, my pursuit of that relationship was somehow blocked! Either they didn't return my phone call, they'd cancel a meeting we'd set up, or whatever.
It was like my angels HEARD my declaration, and protected me from exploring any further with someone who was in need. It didn't take me long, to see how magical these events were!
The upshot is, I became refocused on growing and healing ME, and now I could do that without distraction~ and boy, did my life start changing!
All that energy and concern I'd given to others, was now directed solely toward Me. MY well-being and happiness became my own little project! The growth AND healing derived from this shift was astronomical, to say the least.
There are solid reasons we become caregiver/fixer types. The most prominent, is that we never got what WE needed in terms of love, warmth, attention, affection and support to THRIVE, from infancy onward.
If you have been deriving vicarious satisfaction from giving to others what YOU desperately needed as a child but couldn't get, maybe you'll read my (somewhat autobiographical) story about how I pulled myself out of that habitual, dysfunctional behavior pattern, and became the GENUINELY powerful woman I am today.
PS: I am ONLY drawn to people as empowered as Myself. For many years if I helped someone, I got paid handsomely for it.