Borderlines resist growth and healing work. You'll only hear from em when they're in crisis. As they begin to move beyond their anguish, it feels foreign and uncomfortable (nobody ever taught em how to endure light, good feelings).
Just as a Borderline begins to experience the ABSENCE of pain, they wanna act-out to bring back feelings of chaos, drama and trauma, which feel far more familiar, and therefore, more comfortable.
IF you can help someone with BPD features get close enough to grasping the proverbial brass ring either personally, professionally or financially, they feel COMPELLED to self-sabotage the gains they made that got em there.
For the seasoned professional who expects and anticipates these acts of self-destruction and knows they're inevitable, it's still a heartbreaking experience to witness it happening. Some are egocentric enough to hang in there with a client, no matter HOW many times they undermine their own progress.
A profound level of narcissism is essential in order to think one can be successful in treating EVERYBODY. By the same token, the average layman will keep a lover on, no matter how many "second chances" that person abuses.
I was never wired this way. I've grown acutely aware of my limitations, and I respect them. So, once I cannot ignore the handwriting on the wall that tells me my energies, expertise and efforts will never be rewarded because someone's hell-bent on self-destruction, I'm outta there in a hot New York second.
It takes enormous courage to WANT to shift your paradigm, outgrow your personality disorder traits, and truly heal. Few possess this level of bravery. Pain and inner chaos are familiar to these clients, so it's the only reality they can accept as "normal."
I've said it before, and here it comes again: What you WANT, is what you HAVE. IF or when you begin wanting something very different, you'll get busy creating THAT reality for yourself, instead.
Are you fat? You want and need that extra padding, to help you feel safer. Are you struggling financially? Having great wealth may make you uncomfortable, because of judgments you've held about it. Are you unable to retain a wholesome, loving relationship? You very likely have fears surrounding real closeness and intimacy.
If you wanna know what you want, look around at what you HAVE, for what you're observing in your immediate universe, is precisely what you've long-believed you deserve.