Change is always intimidating and a little scary. I've had clients who would rather remain stuck in their misery, than venture forth into eliminating it.
The saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink," holds true more often than not~ at least in My experience. Stepping outside our comfort zone, even if only for a short time en-route to a better reality, can make us feel destabilized~ so we naturally reject it.
Feeling destabilized is an integral part of change. Change of any kind, cannot occur without it~ yet, we fight it with every ounce of strength and determination we have, because it makes us feel so darned uncomfortable.
Discomfort in transition from one plateau to the next, is normal, because for a relatively short time, we experience being in limbo. The feeling state of LIMBO (neither here nor there) is perhaps the MOST difficult and disconcerting emotion any human must at times endure, IF they're to move beyond where they feel stalled, stuck or trapped.
A fellow in mid-life recently came to me with horror stories of the life he and his 3 kids have been enduring at the hands of a BPD wife. Even just considering rearranging his life with her so that he can begin climbing out of the tormenting, treacherous, health-depleting black hole he's in, is too frightening to ponder.
I’ve frequently asked clients, do you think you’re more afraid of trying something new to improve your situation, than staying precisely where you are? Many cannot answer, and the reason is, they’ve learned to live with agony. It’s their constant companion.
Ya can't rescue someone who doesn't wanna be saved (BPD Waif territory). While these Waif traits (hopeless and helpless) apply to many BPD females, they also apply to males. Waifs will pull on your heartstrings, and you'll be highly motivated to help em surmount their obstacles, but there's always a "yah but" they attach, when you give em sound guidance and direction. That is, they find all kinds of reasons why NOT to be compliant with your life-saving suggestions!
In short, they're accustomed to feeling miserable, that's become their 'norm' since early childhood, and even though their life raft keeps taking on more and more water, they won't abandon it for ANYTHING that feels more stable or wholesome that can save them from drowning. Sound familiar??