A new friend and I had a bet recently, on whether his BPD GF would return after dumping him, and want to resume. I asserted that she would. He insisted she wouldn't.
A dinner at Houston's restaurant was on the table, either way. If she reached out wanting to resume within a 3 month period, I'd be treated to dinner by him. If she didn't, he'd be treated to a Houston's dinner by Me.
It's been a couple of weeks. I left a VM to check in on him last night. He didn't take my call, because he was at dinner with his ex. They reportedly talked it all thru, aired their respective grievances and frustrations, and are giving it another go (imagine My surprise).
I'm considering what I wanna order for dinner at my favorite restaurant very soon!
Not EVERY Borderline returns after dropping you on your head and moving all their stuff out of your home, but it's fairly typical that they do. They often won't exit their dance with YOU, until they've lined up (and started with) their next victim, and are feeling optimistic it'll work out better for 'em than it did with you.
Reasoning with a Borderline (an emotional toddler) is impossible. Seeking resolution to conflicts with them in your relationship, is completely unrealistic. On again/off again relational patterns are extremely common with someone who's BPD, because they can't handle ongoing attachment or real intimacy (for more than a few minutes or hours).
Thinking it's gonna be better "this time," is a fool's errand. A Borderline cannot alter their core trauma that makes them feel scared to bond fully, without highly specialized emotional development help~ which nobody within the psychotherapeutic field provides. Sad, but true.
Borderline Personality Disorder is NOT a mental or mind problem~ it's a traumatized-heart problem. If you determine you just can't live without this person who routinely finds fault with you (which never changes, incidentally~ no matter HOW many times they promise never to do it again), know that you're trying to build and solidify an adult relationship with someone who has only a 3-year old's emotional capacity to be responsive to YOUR needs, and return your love.
Remember this: We're drawn to people who match our OWN level of emotional development, and like attracts like. If you were TRULY emotionally available to love someone deeply, you'd have sailed off into the sunset many years ago with a partner who was capable of loving you, and you'd be living happily ever after.