Borderlines do not fear abandonment. If they DID, they wouldn't constantly distance and push you away!
Borderlines fear ATTACHMENT. When we bond with another, we NEED them emotionally~ which is why loss of that person feels like an amputation, or like our heart is being ripped out of our chest.
Needing someone emotionally feels threatening to someone with BPD traits. It represents a loss of Self, selfhood or independence. It means they cannot survive without you~ so why take the risk of getting close?
Someone CAPABLE of attaching, doesn't date players or people who are emotionally ambivalent or who can't commit emotionally to one individual. Genuine attachment takes courage, because we invest ourselves emotionally, which is always a risk.
The Borderline personality must always search for faults or flaws or shortcomings in their partner, to avoid having to "love them too much." This diffuses the emotional risk they take in relationships.
Think of a car that's had a governor put on its engine to keep it from going over a certain speed (say, 60mph). It's the same with a Borderline. They can only get close to you up to a point, and then an 'internal governor' prevents them from deepening their bond with you.
Borderlines 'control' their emotional investment regarding their own children, as well.
I'm an all in kinda dame. When I love, it's deeply and passionately. Great caution is always exercised therefore, before I give my heart to someone for safe-keeping. This also means, if someone dies on me, I'll feel devastating depression for quite some time.
I have the ego strength and sense of Self to carry that burden. Do YOU??