We sometimes find ourselves referring to people as "losers." I've personally never liked or used this word, because I think it's a catch-all for someone we wanna disparage~ yet losers are not typically evil or "bad" people~ in fact, they're often generous, kind, essentially good people, and I think it's really important to make this distinction.

I wanna enlighten you about what this term means to Me, sans the very negative connotation it typically carries. The real definition of "loser" is someone who routinely self-sabotages. In a sense, they set themselves up to fail or lose. They have poor self-worth and they're impulsive. They don't think decisions and choices through to determine what will better serve them in the long run, and they can't welcome 'good' into their life, because they're afraid of feeling disappointment, if the tides turn and their luck changes.

A loser goes thru life like a ball in a pinball machine. They have to bump up against an object of resistance in order to change their course or direction, which almost never guarantees they'll set themselves on a productive path.

Hundreds of tiny self-defeating choices and behaviors over the course of time that result in failure to THRIVE make up the loser's life. They're emotionally underdeveloped, so it's really like we're observing a young child all his own in the world of adults. Are their actions the result of circumspect thought? Are they emotionally or fiscally responsible? Hardly.

Survival is all the Loser knows. It's a familiar ideation left over from having to surmount early childhood emotional struggles. Deep down inside, they believe they deserve no more than what "happens to come" their way. Most assume their hapless condition is merely due to "bad luck."

Winning or accomplishing in any arena makes the Loser feel uncomfortable IF it hasn't required Herculean effort on their part. They believe anything worth having, is worth working HARD for. They distrust and reject anything (and anyone) that comes easy for them. Strain and struggle is the ONLY path to gaining anything of value~ but even if they accomplish what they set out to attain, they never trust that it won't easily vanish, due to childhood superstition (spawned from a lot of reinforcement) that asserts, "bad always follows good."

Self-sabotage in The Loser can take the form of compulsive spending, indulging various addictive/compulsive behaviors, routinely choosing partners who are impaired/disordered, always putting the feelings and needs of others before their own and being "too nice," procrastinating on engaging any type of self-improvement venue (a diet, a source of assistance aimed at helping them dismantle long-standing obstacles (like anxiety reflexes), meaningful therapeutic help, etc.

Bottom line, Losers don't feel "ready" for real change, so they won't implement it. Suffering has not (in their own mind), been endured LONG enough to satisfy their self-loathing and entrenched belief they deserve punishment~ so a remedy to their pain cannot be welcomed and utilized.

Losers fundamentally view themselves as broken, unlovable, faulty beings (regardless of how professionally successful they've managed to become). This stems from deficits in nurturant care and adequate bonding with a mother who was incapable of loving a child. ANY child. Losers have siblings who struggle emotionally as well~ sometimes in less overt ways, but their lives are never joyful.

The essential difference between someone self-actualized, healthy and well-integrated, and a Loser, is HEALTHY people consistently employ self-discipline and inner monitoring of their choices and behaviors 24/7, to make absolutely certain they are not undermining themselves financially, emotionally or physically. They think, "long-term" in context of their actions (or inactions) and endure episodes of delayed gratification, while working toward greater contentment or a more productive and gratifying payoff or outcome up ahead.

In short, they're always keeping their maturing Self in the forefront of their mind, and not straying from goals or priorities they may (for now) only dream about or imagine attaining. Instant gratification might occasionally be welcomed the form of ingesting a not-so-healthy snack or meal, but it's not a frequently recurring choice.

It's not that healthy people are always living in the future, it's that they fully comprehend that the actions they take Today, acutely and often dramatically, shape all their Tomorrows.

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  • A closer look at what constitutes “A Loser.”