I'm told that in CoDA (Codependent's Anonymous) meetings, they have a saying: "Rejection is God's protection."

When someone isn't responsive to your fantasies, wishes or agenda, it's because they're not a good and right fit for you. They may take your number but never call, give you their contact info, but don't return your outreach, be a potential employer who doesn't connect in response to your resume or application interview, etc.

For many, it's hard not to personalize this stuff. It's nearly impossible to NOT make these instances echo core beliefs left over from childhood that assert, "I'm not good enough, smart enough, lovable," and so on.

Most of you will find it hard to believe you're being protected by higher powers that know far better what's right for you than YOU do. You'll PERSONALIZE someone's rejection or lack of response~ but might it be old insecurities that are rendering you unable or unwilling to see the larger picture to determine if a person or situation is actually gonna SERVE YOU??

We meet someone we're excited about, and assume that chemistry is mutually felt by them. Maybe it is~ but there are often dozens of reasons why they won't follow-through with ya, that have nothing whatsoever to do with YOU!

Perhaps they're half-in, half-out of an interplay with someone else, maybe they're going thru tough times financially and it's got 'em feeling off balance, perhaps they're newly out of a bond with someone, and not yet emotionally ready to explore starting a new one, or maybe they don't think they'll measure-up~ but whatever their private reason is, try not to make it about You!

I've always told my clients, if it's meant to enhance your life, it will be yours. We humans are like little mice in a laboratory maze. We don't HAVE the advantage of an omnipotent view on our current configuration. We can't SEE where the cheese is for us in a maze, because we're unable to look down from above, and locate it!

THIS factor is what solid, meaningful professional help is for. Truly gifted therapeutic support MEANS that individual is always many steps ahead of you, in context of their capacity to see the bigger picture and help curb choices you might make that result in painful outcomes!

Some 'therapists' aren't wired this way. They view your setbacks and self-sabotaging choices as "grist for the mill." I've literally had colleagues whom I once respected, SAY this to me! For them, it's kinda like, "oh boy, we'll be working to untangle THIS mess for another year or two!"

Bottom line, you can never get whole or well, and successfully complete treatment with a therapist like this. They're not eager to lose you as a client~ 'cause it's not a financially sound postulate for them.

A former friend and colleague (to whom I in part, dedicated my first book) kept her clients in treatment for DECADES. I don't think she had evil intentions, in fact she was overly-nurturing with people in her practice. To my mind, her clients became her surrogate family to replace the one she was never able to secure in childhood~ so she wasn't ABOUT to release 'em to their own recognizance!

My former friend enmeshed her clients by giving them gifts, and allowing them to reciprocate in kind. As utterly brilliant as she was (and I did love her mind!), I ultimately lost respect for her~ and when ya lose my respect, you automatically lose my love.

Past my first couple of years as an MFT intern, I stopped believing in or sanctioning long-term care. The people who NEED this are personality disordered, and growing them into their chronological emotional age can be an extraordinarily lengthy process.

Underdeveloped, self-sabotaging folks are hard to treat, because just as they begin to make progress, they decimate it by acting-out to catalyze PAIN for themselves. In effect, you're watching them slide 2 or 3 steps back, for every tiny gain they make. Do YOU have that kind of patience? I for one, never did.

So, whether it's a new friend, romantic interest, client, psychological or medical practitioner, if it's not working out between you, be willing to stop beating that dead horse, and move on to something MUCH better, that The Universe has in store for you.

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